Adoptive Parent Annoyance

"That's what always happens! People adopt, and then they get pregnant!" Which isn't true, not at all. Only about 5% of couples who adopt after infertility will go on to have a successful pregnancy, and I have to wonder, given my situation, how many of those pregnancies are due to donor gametes or embryos... 

I read than on one of the many blogs that I follow written by Willow, who is an adoptive mom who is also now pregnant with the help of donor eggs.  Check out the entire post....it is good!  I can't even tell you how many people say this to me.  "Just watch....now you will get pregnant!"  EVERYONE seems to know about another family who adopted and then got pregnant afterwards....and they LOVE to tell me about it.  I know that people mean well and that they probably think that is something I should hope for.  I don't think that they realize how frustrating it is to hear people mention that.  Like Willow said, only about 5% of adoptive parents end up having successful pregnancies after adoption.  Those are not good odds. 

Now of course, we will welcome any children that God may bless us with, but do I think that just because we adopted that I will get pregnant now?  No, of course not!  I still remember the years of failures and disappointments all too well.  It was a very painful and lonely time for me.  And of course, it seemed like everyone we knew was getting pregnant during that time.  (And, yes, my crazy self counted.  There were 32 babies of friends/acquaintances of ours that were born between the time we began looking at the infertility issues to the day that we learned about Gus.  That included 2 sets of twins.)  I struggled a lot emotionally during those years.  I remember sitting at a staff meeting and chatting with a handful of my coworkers...two of which recently had babies.  They were talking about how they wish they could still wear their maternity pants because they were so comfortable.  One turned to me and said, "Oh Beth...just wait....you are going to LOVE wearing them!"  I had to leave the room before I burst into tears.  All I could think was how I probably would never wear maternity clothes.  It seemed like an innocent conversation....and really, most of those women didn't know what I was going through at the time.  I also remember a deal my husband and I made.  I love real trees at Christmas and he likes fake ones.  Since we visit family for the majority of the holidays Joel didn't think it was a good idea to have a real tree.  So the deal was that we would have fake until we had kids...because then we wouldn't travel as much.  I clearly remember sitting in a snowbank in the middle of a tree farm as we were hunting for my parents Christmas tree.  I was surrounded by reminders of how I still wasn't a mom.  These memories, and many others, are very vivid to me.  I will always remember those years but they don't sting as much any more because there is a beautiful little boy in my life now.  I will not pretend that all the issues have changed and that I will suddenly have a successful pregnancy. 

This week was National Infertility Awareness Week.  Did you know that 1 in 8 men or women are diagnosed with infertility?  Travelling the road of infertility is a very lonely road to be on.  Even when travelling it with your spouse, it is very lonely and painful.  Please take a minute to pray for those who have experienced fertility issues.  And if you want to learn more about the infertility issues that many people face and learn the truth to many myths out there, check out http://www.resolve.org/.

Must See

This video is a must see if you need to put a smile on your face.  It entertained Gus and me this morning!

http://youtu.be/xVkURlcF63Q

(For some reason it won't let me put the video on here so you will have to go to youtube to watch it.

Can I get one, please??

Joel said that if I can find one, I can get it. Please help me find one!!! How cool would it be to have one tap dancing around our backyard???

Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do

I was very lucky to exposed to a lot of music growing up. My dad was a band director and made sure that my sister and I were exposed to the many different classical pieces out there. It was because of this that music was very important to me at my wedding. I remember sitting in my parents kitchen agonizing over which Bach, Handel or Mozart piece would be played as I walked down the aisle with my dad. And what would be played when I walked back with my new husband. Not to mention, I was having a brass quartet so I needed to make sure it sounded good with the brass instruments. I certainly hope that my children get as many opportunities as possible to experience the classical music that their Papa taught to many others.

By I must admit....I love, love, love the classic renderings of the 1950s, 60s and 70s! Those tunes are all so catchy! My mom made sure that my sister and I were exposed to "oldies" music every time we were in the car together. We didn't have DVD players and other crazy technology in the car that kids have today....but we sure were entertained. To this day, you could probably play the first few notes of an oldies song and my sister and I could belt out the rest of the song. I was probably in 6th grade before I knew that there were other radio stations than "107.3...all oldies, all the time!". (And that is only because I was introduced to the oh so popular New Kids on The Block.)

I make sure to play a variety of music in the car for Gus, but I must admit that I often sing to him when we aren't in the car. I like to change some of the lyrics to fit what is going on. My favorite is "Splish Splash". Very appropriate for bath time. Or "Great Balls of Fire" comes in handy sometimes. My friend, Tanya, and I always say that when something bad happens or you are going nuts, you have to choose to laugh or cry. Well sometimes I choose to sing. My version when I am on my last nerve:

"You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
Too much crazy drives a mom insane
You broke my will, oh please sit still
Goodness, gracious great balls of fire"

I am sure that with his exposure to oldies music, Gus will be adapting his own tune tonight when he goes to bed. I am sure he will be channeling Neil Sedaka and one of his most popular tunes....




Gus and his nunny (aka. pacifier) will be breaking up tonight. I am sure this will not go over very well. He has had a nunny every night of his life since the day that he was born....all 22 months. He doesn't use it all night long....just to fall asleep. He has had his nunny about 8 months longer than the pediatrician wanted him to have it so in my opinion we spoiled this kid. So as you are sitting down to relax or laying down to go to bed...you can chuckle to yourself thinking about a little boy standing in his crib singing about losing his love, his nunny. Or perhaps he will sing the Lesley Gore hit, "It's My Party". But it may go something like this: "Miss my nunny and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to....you would cry too if it happened to you!!"


Yes, I may seem callous about it right now, but with all things, there is usually an end and he will get over it....eventually.

A New Hat

If I had known that Gus would have this much fun with his cousins and a happy meal box.....

Ooo-La-La!

Notice anything new??  Something catch your eye?  It's probably because I had someone help me polish up the look of Stapes House.  Kellie at Two Pooch Paperie helped come up with this new look.  Don't you love it!!  I am beyond thrilled to have a new look!  It's like having a new hair-do and a new outfit....you just feel so much better!!  If you ever need some design work, please get in touch with her!

Thanks, Kellie!!

I could do it forever....

I could hold his little pudgy hand forever! I think what I love most is when he yells my name and puts his hand out for me to hold. I can't get enough of it!!  Oh Gus-Gus....you melt your momma's heart!

Adoption Roundtable

Has open adoption ever felt like too much? Have you ever wanted to walk away?

That is what we were asked today at Production, Not Reproduction.  I have participated a couple of times in this roundtable discussion.  These questions hit me like a ton of bricks. 

"Has open adoption ever felt like too much?"  Honestly, it doesn't consume me as much.  Before we adopted I wondered how hard it would really be.  Would I be up for it?  Could I handle it emotionally?  So far, so good.  But I think that has a lot to do with the fact that Gus' birthmom, J, is very easy going.  She has made our open plan really easy. I am discovering that we are luckier than a lot of other families out there.  We are very blessed the J has made it so that it never feels like too much. 

There is only one exception....Mother's Day.  I've only had 2 Mother's Day's so far.  One when Gus was still in the womb and one with us.  Before Gus was born, I dreaded Mother's Day.  Not because I didn't want to celebrate my own mom, but because of the emotions and heartache.  Once we decided to start a family and had repeated failure, Mother's Day became very difficult.  In church they honor the mothers in the congregation on this day and they say a blessing on all of them.  Never fails...I bawled.  Aching to be one of those moms.  Once I did become a mom, I continued to bawl in church.  It still seems quite surreal.  I am very blessed!  The hard part, however, is thinking about the other mother out there.  I know that Mother's Day is very difficult for Gus' birthmom.  And because Gus is too little to do it himself, I take on the responsibility of sending something to J, to honor her for making the difficult decision she did to grant Gus life and to making an adoption plan for him.  So on a day that should be one that I get to enjoy...I try to make sure that Gus' birthmom is not forgotten.  That is the only time (so far) that adoption seems to be too much.  This is not something that many other mom's need to think about.

"Have you ever wanted to walk away?"  Heck, no!  Adoption is such a blessing and we are so very blessed to have Gus in our life.  And even throughout the entire process, I have never wanted to walk away.  And you know what?  I plan to walk right into it again when we adopt again!

Anniversary

Today Joel and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary.  It seems like just yesterday that we got married on that beautiful April day.  It was warm and sunny even though the forecasters said it was going to snow.  We were surrounded by friends and family to celebrate one of the best days of our life.

Fastforward four years.  On this day in 2009, we met Gus' birthfather.  I mentioned it before on this blog but did not go into any detail.  The reason we met with "K" was because he was reconsidering his parental rights.  Unlike birthmothers, the birthfather can sign off his rights before the baby is born.  He was considering the option of raising the unborn baby.  We met with K and our social worker, Dawn.  We all sat at a table in a little conference room.  I was sweating....I felt sick to my stomach.  What if this man did change his mind?  How would my legs even carry me out of this building before I collapsed to the ground in an unconsolable heap? How would I ever be able to celebrate my anniversary again since all I would ever remember is what happened on this day?  I watched in awe as Dawn spoke to K.  That woman is worth her weight in gold!!  I would have paid her a million dollars for her work on that day alone.  She was able to facilitate conversation between the three of us and make us all feel more comfortable with one another.  He shared some things about his life that he wanted to make sure that we shared with Gus one day.  Long story short, we had a successful meeting that day and K ended up signing later that week.  We never saw or heard from K after that.  And I am sure that we probably never will.  Not sure how I feel about that....I think that is something for me to investigate further some other day.

Move forward to today...today was delightful.  It was relaxing.  I did some organizing in my craft/Thirty-One room.  I wrote some thank you notes.  I packaged up some items to be mailed out to friends.  Joel and Gus went grocery shopping together today and left me in an empty, quiet house.  This was one of the first days that I had that was free of any plans.  LOVED it!  I loved getting to just relax and hangout with my boys.  Gus was full of energy and full of giggles.  Such a fun day!