adoption lingo

As a family built through adoption, we have chosen to help educate others about adoption.  We have discovered that adoption is not something that many people talk about and there are so many unknowns about it.  One of the hardest things for adoptive families and birth families to deal with are the words that people say to them.  Saying the wrong thing can be very hurtful.  So in order to help people learn about what the right thing to say is, we have listed out some of the positive language to use when discussing adoption and family.

Positive Language in Adoption

Below are the positive language terms to use connection with the adoption of a child

Traditional (old) language / Positive language
Real parent / Birth parent
Natural parent / Birth parent
Own child /Birth child
Adopted child / Own child My child
Illegitimate / Born to unmarried parents
Give up / Terminate parental rights
Give away / Make an adoption plan
To keep / To parent
Adoptive parent / Parent
Adoption triangle / Adoption triad
An unwanted child / Child placed for adoption
Handicapped child / Child with special needs
Is adopted / Was adopted

Terms

Adoption - A permanent, legally binding arrangement whereby persons other than the biological parents parent the child.

Birth certificate – When a child is born a certified document indicates the birth information of a person including mother's and father's name and the name given to the child at the time of birth. Once the adoption is finalized, the original birth certificate is amended reflecting the adoptive parents as the child’s parents and the original birth certificate is sealed and in many states remains confidential.

Birth father – The biological father of a child.

Birth grandparents – The biological grandparents of a child.

Birth mother – The biological mother of a child who made an adoption plan for the child and subsequently relinquished the child for adoption.

Birth parents - The parents who conceived a child, made an adoption plan for the child and subsequently relinquished their parental rights to the child and created an adoption plan. Also referred to as the biological parents.

Confidential Adoption - An adoption where there is no contact between biological parents and adoptive parents. Sometimes referred to as a closed adoption.

Domestic Adoption - An adoption that involves adoptive parents and a child that are permanent residents of the United States.

Finalization - The court hearing that results in the adoption order. This is the moment when the adoptee becomes the permanent, legally adopted child of the adoptive parents.

Homestudy - A three-part process required before a child can be placed with a family for foster care or adoption: (1) Written portion includes autobiographies, references, medical reports, financial statements, child abuse and criminal clearances and other written materials; (2) Social work process includes a series of visits in the applicants' home to discuss a variety of issues from the applicants’ backgrounds to their motivations to adopt and their understanding of adoption and parenting; (3) Educational process includes training in adoption and parenting issues. The end result of this process is a written document completed by a licensed agency giving a summary of the applicants’ family life. This document indicates approval of the applicants for adoption. In most states it must be updated annually.

Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) – If a child is born in a state other than where the prospective adoptive parents reside, the Interstate Compact of both the baby’s home state and the prospective adoptive parents’ home state must give their approval before the child travels (for the purpose of adoption) to the state where the prospective adoptive parents reside. In an interstate adoption, the agency with custody of the child is responsible for processing the interstate paperwork.

Match or Matching - The process of bringing together qualified prospective adoptive parents and willing biological parents, who by choice choose to explore the compatibility of each other and who can agree on the terms under which the adoptive parents can adopt the child.

Open Adoption - An open adoption is full disclosure of identifying information between the biological parents and the adoptive parents. Both the adoptive parents and biological parents agree upon the amount of contact following the placement of the child.

Placement - A term used to describe the point in time when the child comes to live with the adoptive parents in their home.

Revocation of Consent – When a biological parent revokes the consent they had signed to an adoption and requests that the child be returned to his/her custody.

Semi-Open Adoption - A semi-open adoption occurs when the potential biological mother or biological families experience non-identifying interaction with the adoptive family. In most cases, the interaction is facilitated by a third party who is usually an adoption agency or adoption attorney.

Surrender – The legal document signed by the biological parents in which they place their child with an adoption agency who in turn places the child with the adoptive family that the biological parents choose.

*Information gathered from Bethany Christian Services and Adoptive Families.