Cause and Effect

So I met someone recently who just learned a few weeks ago that her teenage nephew isn't her biological nephew.  The teenage boy has yet to be informed about that as well.  This is earth-shattering news for their family and it brings up some questions:

How will this piece of information affect their immediate family? 

And their extended family? 

Will family members suddenly feel as if they are no longer family? 

Will family members treat each other differently?

Why wasn't the teenage boy told before the extended family of adults was told? 

Was it to have more support for the teenager when he did find out? 

Might he also feel betrayed when he finds out that everyone else knew except him? 

Why do some people feel the need to keep such things a secret?

What is wrong with honesty?


I have had more than one person ask me if we are going to tell Gus that he is adopted.  HA!  Are you kidding me?!?  The kid already knows!  In some adoptive families it is easy to tell when someone is adopted simply based on physical characteristics.  That is not the case in our family.  Gus looks A LOT like us.  He could easily pass as a biological child of ours....but that would dishonest.  Joel and I always knew that we would be extremely open with our kids about adoption.  We never what them to be ashamed of adoption.  We want them to be proud of it!  There are times I even feel that Gus is a posterchild for adoption because we are so open about it and we speak to large groups about adoption.  People ask how Gus already knows that he is adopted, he is only 2 years old, after all.  From the moment that Gus came home with us, he and I would say our prayers together.  (Okay....I say them...he listens....I hope.)  We always pray for his birthparents.  I have told him as much as I know about them and I will continue to do so for him.  I never want my son to be surprised by any of this information.  This information does not change the fact that his is my son.  It is just important for him to know how he came into this world.

My heart breaks for the friend I mentioned above and for her nephew.  Their world has been turned upside down because of this "secret".  To her is doesn't matter at all whether there is a biological connection or not....he will always be her nephew.  I just know that their family is going to have a rough road when this does become full blown.  We have added them to our prayer list....hope you will, too!!

Adoption used to be a very "hush-hush" topic.  Many people didn't know for a long time that they were adopted.  What do you think is best??  Are there pros to keeping it a secret?  If so, please share!!

Holy Moly!!

I just realized that it has been WAY too long since I last posted here.  There has been lots going on at Stape's House this summer.  Our life is so chaotic....especially during the school year with both of us teaching full time and coaching.  Not to mention being parents and this little side business I call Thirty-One.  We truly enjoy a little bit of so-called "down time" during the summer.  Here is a little play-by-play of what summer 2011 has brought us.

June

• Finished the school year.
• Prepared for Gus' second birthday party.  Those of you who know me, know that it is never just cake and ice cream at this house.  There is always a huge theme.  This year....barnyard!!  As much as I wanted to, I did refrain from hiring the traveling petting zoo and pony!
• Joel left for a week at Boys State while Gus and I roughed it alone here at home.  It was a challenging week for me.  Probably worthy of it's own blog post.
• Joel came home and the next day we left for the Great Smoky Mountains.  My parents rented a cabin up in the mountains and invited us along.  There will definitely be another blog post to follow on that.  Me + Nature = an amusing combination!

July

• We returned home from our mountain adventure to discover some damage was done to our fence and one of our cars so we have spent time this week getting quotes and talking to our insurance agent.  Ugh!  I hate dealing with that!!
• We ventured over to the west side of the state to visit with my friend, Kim, who was "home" visiting her family.  I say "home" because I am a firm believer that Arizona should not be her home but Michigan should be.  I miss her something fierce and I hate that she lives all the way across the country.  (Mind you...our parents are neighbors so as teenagers, we were only moments apart.)  We also got to visit with the Carlson's.  Their daughter, Eme, was born 3 days after Gus and is also adopted.  We have become good friends as we have traveled the adoption road together.  Eme's Uncle Joe Maly is my husband's college roommate.  Joe is the godfather to both Gus and Eme.  I LOVE that we have such a great time together and have so much in common.
• I have been getting ready for the Thirty-One National Conference.  I am going next week and I couldn't be more excited.  Because I am a director, I get to plan some fun stuff for my team.  I can't wait to give them the stuff we have been working on.  SO FUN!!  (I wish I could tell you but some of them read my blog....so you will all have to wait.)

Coming Up

• I go to the National Conference for four days!!
• We get to head up north at the end of the month to Torch Lake for a week.  So excited because we get to spend the week with most of Joel's family.  His sister, Sarah, and her family, who live 6 minutes from us, will be up there.  Gus LOVES his "Wendan and Nana".  (For those that don't understand Gus-speak, that is Brendan and Hannah!)  We will also get to see Joel's sister, Sherri, and her family.  I CAN'T WAIT!!  They live in Nebraska now and we haven't seen them since Thanksgiving.  Miss them lots and can't wait to spend some quality time with them.  Gus has been practicing their names.  We point to their pictures and he says their names.  Now that he is a little older it will be lots of fun to see him interact with them now.
• AUGUST....dun...dun...duuuuunnnn..... (that was the scary music in case you couldn't tell).  Once August hits, our summer is over so to speak.  Football and cheerleading both start up in August along with me going back to work.  Before school starts, I will spend many, many hours in my counseling office working on student schedules and enrolling new students.  I love my job...but I am really loving my time at home this summer.  I can't believe it is already half over

Loving life these days!!