Gus goes to Gramma and Papa's

As much as I would like to think that our son sat and twiddled his thumbs and counted the hours until we returned, I know that he actually had a lot of fun.  Gus (& Gramma) kept a journal and took a bunch of pictures.

Helping Papa get his fishing boat ready...didn't get to go fishing this time.

One of my favorite things...the dog cage.

Made Gramma read me every book on the bookshelf.

Got some work done on my tool bench.

Pushing my car....much more fun than driving it.

Long walk up the driveway to Gramma and Papa's house.

I really like rocks.  Lucky for me, Gramma and Papa's driveway has plenty for me to pick up along the way.

At the Hudsonville Fair with Gramma and Aunt Annie.

Holding a prize zucchini.  (When Momma was my age, she took a bite out of the prize pepper!!)

See ya next year, Hudsonville Fair!

"Now where did I put those keys?"

Cheering on the Fennville Blackhawks with Aunt Annie's cheer team!

"Umm....I need some help here folks..."

Didn't get to ride the tractor this time but helped Papa outside and got to play with his ear muffs.

Helped Papa, Aunt Annie and Mr. Nate set up the tent and get it cleaned up and ready for Labor Day weekend.  I don't get to go this time...maybe next year.

The Maly Wedding Extravaganza

It was a long ride out to Cave B Inn at Sage Cliff which was the site for the wedding.  We had a wonderful time celebrating the marriage of Joe and Jane Maly.

A beautiful drive out to what Joel kept calling, "the middle of no where".

We stopped at the only "scenic view" that we saw.  Had to get out to stretch and to take pictures.

The Wild Horses Monument.  We don'nt know anything about it except someone hauled a bunch of horse statues to the top of the hill. Some people hiked up to it...my bedazzled flip flops were not going on that hike.  We looked on from afar.

The sign outside the hotel where we were staying.

The main lodge of the vinyard...surrounded in vines.

Vines, vines everywhere.

Eme Carlson....I LOVE this little girl!!  She is 3 days younger than Gus.  Our families have made the journey through adoption together.  Such great support for one another. And we are both SO lucky to have our beautiful babies.  (In case you are wondering, yes, I wanted to steal her this weekend.  Just think...it would be like raising twins! She and Gus would have such fun together!!)

Mama Maly.  Isn't she just radiant?  I love this picture of her.  She is just oozing happiness!

Nora Jones.  I got to spend lots of time with her momma, Dana, since both of our husbands were in the wedding.  Funny how Dana and I both graduated the same year from Hope College, yet never crossed paths before.

Buddies!!

Joe's gorgeous sisters, Bekah and Brie.  Love them!!

Dana and Nora kept me sane all weekend.  (Well, as sane as possible.)  Thanks, girls!

Jane's nephews, Brandon and Taye were too stinkin' cute!  During the wedding photos earlier in the day, they were striking many poses...too fun!

The beautiful bride and her dad.

Waiting for his bride.

The happy couple, Mr. and Mrs. Joe Maly!!

Brie, Matt and Eme Carlson. This family has been such a wonderful source of support for our family during the past 14 months. I can't wait to watch our kids continue to grow up together.

Xanax and Espresso

Warning....this is going to be long...

Now that I am home, I am ready to talk about it.  When Joel and I were planning our trip to Seattle for Joe and Jane's wedding there was no question in my mind that we were going to take Gus with us.  I made the flight and hotel arrangements with him as part of it.  I even searched out tourist spots around Seattle for little ones.  So when we decided that Gus would be staying home, it took me some time to come to terms with it.  It wasn't until today that I realized that it was a good idea to let him stay home with Gramma and Papa. 

Once we decided that he was staying home, I refused to actually say it out loud since it made it more real.  For a week prior to leaving, I was a mess.  Could barely sleep.  I would spontaneously burst into tears thinking about the trip.  I was convinced that my plane was going to crash and that my little boy would be left parentless.  I have not gone even 24 hours without seeing him up until this point.  Needless to say, I was a mess.  So bad, that I ended up calling my doctor and pleading for Xanax or some sort of drug that would calm me down enough to walk onto the plane.  I have never felt like a drug addict before, but as I begged my doctor, I suddenly found myself in a position I had never been in...it was quite strange to be pleading with someone for drugs. I am not a huge fan of medicating myself so that I am not in full control, but it seemed like it would be for the best.  Luckily, my doctor is an angel she gave me enough to give me that extra little comfort to relax on the plane.  (Keep in mind- this control freak already has a hard time flying because she is not in control...so add the typical flier anxiety to the momma anxiety and we have one major disaster.) 

I won't go into the mess that I was when my parents came to pick up Gus before we left.  I will just leave you with this picture in your head....hyperventilating, sobbing uncontrollably, snot everywhere.  I was a mess!

In addition to Dr. Smith, God sent another angel.  Joel Maly's brother-in-law, Matt, ran into us in the airport.  Turns out, he was on our flight.  (His wife and daughter flew out earlier in the day.)  And knowing full well that we would be with Matt all weekend, I knew I couldn't be an irrational wreck and make a fool of myself.  So I had to try to pull it together.  (Thanks, Matt, for understanding how crazy I am and still asking the man in our row of the airplane to trade seats with you so that you could sit with us!!)

We made it safely to Seattle.  (And I only cried twice after leaving for the airport!)  We waited for a long time for our luggage and for Enterprise to pick us up.  After waiting about 45 minutes for the Enterprise shuttle (a few drove right by us!)  Keep in mind I am already irrational...add annoyance and you will see what the poor girl at the Enterprise office saw when we got there.  On the upside...we got a vehicle upgrade and free gas!!

We toured around Seattle, saw the Space Needle, Pike's Place and lots more.  And by "lots more" I mean  A LOT of espresso shops.  Of course Starbucks is everywhere since Seattle is their hometown, but these Seattlites (is that even a word?) are VERY serious about their coffee.  There are these tiny little drive through coffee shops on almost every corner of the city.  Espresso everywhere...and yes, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

We spent time at Joe and Jane's house with the other out of town guests before making the trip 2 1/2 hours outside of Seattle to the wedding site.

Did I mention how much I love this man and just being able to hold his hand through our life together?  He puts up with my crazy and loves me anyway. 

Starbucks anyone?

Joel and I are spending a couple of days in Seattle for the wedding of Joe Maly to Jane Wong.  (We left Gus with Gramma and Papa.  Don't even get me started on that, I will burst into tears.  I miss my little man so much right now.)  We decided to head to downtown Seattle today and check out Pike's Place.  This is the location of the famous fish market where the men throw the fish around.  Unfortunately, we did not see any fish fly through the air.  But we saw a lot of fun vendors with fresh baked goods, fruit, flowers, cheese....all sorts of things.  My big purchase today....Starbucks coffee!  (Fun fact- did you know that Starbucks owns the company Seattle's Best coffee??)

Yes, we are those tourists that ask strangers to take their picture.

The famous fish market...fish didn't move.

Look at that bouquet!!  And it only cost me $15!  LOVE it!  We brought it to Joe and Jane when we attended their BBQ today.

And while we are gone....Gus went to the Hudsonville Fair today.

Aunt Annie spoiled Gus with his first sno-cone. I'm surprised I don't see an elephant ear hanging out of his mouth. :)

Jealousy and Envy

Isn't it amazing that we can be so content and happy in life until we notice something around us and are instantly jealous and envious of others?  As a frequent Facebook-er, I get to keep up on the latest events of friends and family.  In the past two days I have had 6 friends post that they are expecting babies.  Don't get me wrong, I am completely blessed and totally in love with my little man and I don't want to rush life.  I was perfectly content until I have suddenly noticed all of the new baby announcements.  Suddenly, I can't wait for Gus to be a big brother.  It is so silly because he is so little himself still, how could he be a "big" brother? 

I had the experience last week of what it is like to have 3 children when Joel and I watched our niece and nephew for 1/2 the week.  I felt completely overwhelmed and in complete awe of any mom who has more than one child....but I secretly loved it.  I loved the chaos and I loved watching the three of them interact.  Granted I am very blessed with a wonderful niece and nephew who I adore.  They are so great with Gus and they love him like crazy.  (And yes, the feeling is mutual.  Gus loves to attack them with his love.)  They are so kind and loving towards their baby cousin and perhaps if he were their sibling, they may not be as patient.  Regardless, I love the thought of a house full of laughter and silliness.  I loved hearing those giggles and squeals of three children playing together.

I know that our time will come and we will have a sibling for Gus.  I think the part that is the hardest for me is that I have absolutely NO control over when that will be.  (And we know how much of a control freak I am, so you can imagine how frustrating this is for me.)  Granted we get to pick the time for when we will apply for another adoption...but then it is out of our hands and we simply wait.  I know that God will send us another beautiful baby who will fit perfectly into our little family...and until then, I will enjoy the time we have with Gus.  He is only little once and I don't want to miss a second of it by being jealous and envious of others who are expanding their families.  Our time will come...just need to be patient.

I wonder...

Gus, sometimes you are such a mystery to me.  Every day there is something new that I wonder about. 

I wonder....

...what on earth you are trying to say to me?  You talk a mile a minute but yet I can't understand your train of thought.  I am sure that you are saying really important things, I just wonder what they are.

...what are you thinking about when you stare at me with that "Perry the Platypus" expression.  (For you inquiring minds, Perry is from the TV show, "Phineas and Ferb".  I swear that my son makes the same face as this cartoon character!)

...why on earth you find it so exciting to pull every wipe out of the container.  What is it about that game that makes you happy?  Is it the fact that you like to throw them in the air or chew on them?  Really...that can't possibly taste good. Or is it the pure joy of wasting the good money that we have spent on purchasing the pack of wipes?

...why you are so picky about what kind of sippy cup you use?  Seriously, little man, they all have the same end result...juice.  But yet you have no problem eating grass...

...why is it that when you get really excited you like to bite your momma?  That is not the way we celebrate.  If you would please refrain from biting, I would really appreciate it.

...what you don't like about rolling any toy that is on wheels?  Why do you feel the need to slam it into the floor instead.  I promise that if you roll it, you will also have fun with those toys without denting the floor.

...why on earth you like to jump face first into your beanbag from the couch?  You scare the heck out of your mom now that you can climb up onto the couch and then you immediately turn to jump into the beanbag.  I shudder to think of the day that the beanbag (or Momma) is not there to catch your fall.

...what is it about the word "no" that causes one of two responses: an devilish grin with a sparkle in your eye or instant hysterical sobbing?  As much as I hate to be told "no", it isn't all that bad.

...how you are so smart at such a young age.  I know that every mother probably thinks that their child is a genius...but I'm serious.  You already have developed some fine motor skills by putting a straw into the lid of my Diet Coke.  You know that my keys unlock the door and you try each key on my key chain looking for the right one.  You put two words together the other day.  We heard you say, clear as day, "Hi dog!"  I am just amazed...what else can you do that I don't know about yet, I wonder.

...how your pudgy little hand in my hand as you walk down the sidewalk next to me can instantly bring me to tears of joy and pride.  I never want to let go of that hand.

...how on earth I will go back to work this fall, let you go to school, college or (gasp) get married?  I can't stand the thought of not being able to see your beautiful little face every day and hear that little belly giggle numerous times throughout the day...you make living life SO much better and you always keep me wondering!!

More in love than before

I didn't think it was possible....but I am more in love with my little man that I could ever imagine.  I have always had that unconditional momma love for him but this is different.  It's the "my heart is bursting and it hurts how much I love you and I instantly burst into tears" kinda love.

Last night I had a VERY overtired little fella.  He simply couldn't close his eyes and go to sleep.  And if you put him down he started screaming. (The silent cry...wait for it.....blood curdling scream and crocodile tears.)  So we rocked.  As I sit there cuddling my little man, rocking back and forth and alternating between singing Les Mis, "On My Own" and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" it hit me.  Ever so softly, this tiny hand touched my cheek and these beautiful blue eyes stared up at me.  Instant tears (from me).  I was a mess.  At that point my singing got worse due to my hysterical sobbing.  At that moment that sweet little hand that was gently cupping my cheek moved and placed its hand firmly on my mouth as if to stop me from singing.  And those blue eyes sparkled back at me and a huge smile came from behind the "nunny" in his mouth.  We both ended up in fits of giggles.  Such a sweet moment....until I ruined it with my singing.

(*On a side note- whenever I sing songs that we played in band, I end up singing the French Horn part.  I can't help it.  It just happens.  So perhaps my son will never know what the song truly sounds like.  Perhaps he does know and him covering my mouth was a message.  Who knows!  But nobody else has to hear it so I will continue to sing the French Horn part.  And yes, I get a lot of weird looks when I do the same thing with the National Anthem....but hey! I am a proud American and I will sing whatever part I want in the National Anthem!)

Tonight I had another one of those moments.  I came home from cheer practice and Gus toddled quickly over to me while yelling at the top of his lungs.  (It is loud but I secretly love it because it doesn't happen that often.)  So I scooped up my little man and hugged him and kissed him.  He snuggled right into the crook of my neck and settled in for a few minutes.  Any time this happens, I soak it up.  I stood there holding him and patting his back...and then it happened. A little one-year-old hand patted my back!  (My mom tells me that I also did this when I was little.  I'm sure a lot of kids do as they mimick their parents.)  Again...instant tears.  I couldn't help it.  I love this little boy more and more!!

I often get asked about adoption and the most common question is, "Isn't it expensive?".  My response, "You can't really put a price on loving a child."  There is no question in my mind that I am so rich....even if it is just in hugs and pats on the back or cheek by a pudgy little hand. It makes me regret ever wondering if we could afford to adopt.  How could we afford NOT to?