Four years....wow!

Can you believe it?  Can you believe that it has been FOUR years since I received that amazing phone call that changed my world!  (Okay...it will be four years tomorrow but I know that I have a busy day ahead of me so I won't have a chance to write.)  If you want to hear more about that day, you can go back and check out this post.  Little did I know what life was about to bring me.  Joy!  Pure joy! Little did I know that it would come in the form of this beautiful little soul!

Now that our family is complete and we have been blessed to become parents to two beautiful babies, it is funny to look at how our family came to be.  I am such a planner and nothing about our story was planned by me.  I have no doubt that God had planned this and I believe that the way He brought Gus into our life was absolutely perfect!  I had  about four months to prepare for his arrival.  I had a chance to wrap my head around it.  I had a chance to create a beautiful nursery and to fill it with everything baby!  I had a chance to fill the dressers and closet with an excessive amount of clothing.  I had a chance to rearrange it and reorganized it a plethora of times.  I had a chance to go to the remainder of the doctors appointments with J.  I had the chance to be in the delivery room when Gus took his first breath!  I had a chance to be ready!

I had no idea that I would never be ready enough!  How do you get ready for a pair of beautiful eyes to stare back at you with all of the trust in the world?  How do you get ready to discover that this beautiful little one has a nose just like yours and their is no scientific reason as to why?  How do you get ready for your heartstrings to be yanked so hard that you can barely breathe?  How do you possibly get ready for the best adventure in the world?  I thought I was ready.  Ready or not....this little man captured my heart instantly and continues to do so over and over again every day of his little life!

I had no idea on that snowy day in January of 2009, that my whole world would be changed with a simple phone call....but I am so happy that it did!

One Week Old

5 months old

20 months old

2 years old

3 years old

An Unexpected Tuesday

Earlier this week I saw a post on our social workers Facebook page. "Looking to find a new home for an artificial Christmas tree." I noticed "J" had commented in the post that she knew of a house that needed one. Unfortunately, the tree in the post had already been spoken for. We had purchased a new tree on Black Friday and had an old tree that we could donate so I texted "J" and offered her the tree. (I am the crazy one has 3 trees up in her house. One real, two artificial. We certainly did not need a fourth!).

Yesterday I got a text back from "J" that said, "Thanks for the offer but I can't find a way to get the tree from you." I had already taken the day off work to go to Gus' preschool party and was going to spend the afternoon as Santa's helper and get caught up for Christmas. So I responded and told her that I could drop it off on Tuesday afternoon....just needed to know where to take it. She gave me an address and told me that she would meet me there.

That got me thinking. Was she expecting Gus to be with me? Did she want to see him? Would she prefer not to? She hadn't seen him since the day she left the hospital. We send pictures and texts and Gus had a FB page just for her to see but she has never asked to see him. So did she even want to? Would she be disappointed if I showed up without him?

I quick called up Joel and asked what he thought. Should we offer? Or should I go alone like I originally planned? We decided that we would offer. We let her know that it was okay either way but that the choice was hers. She quickly responded, "that would be great to see him!" So there you have it....Gus was going to meet his birthmom the next day!

Joel and I talked to Gus about it and told him that we were going to go see "J". When we explain adoption to Gus we tell him that he grew in "J's" belly and then she gave him to us to keep forever and ever. So when we talked with Gus about what was going to happen he asked, "is she gonna take me back?" As I struggled to breathe and answer him, I quickly questioned whether or not I should take him the next day. I panicked for a moment before taking a deep breath and explaining to him. "No. In fact, he was gonna stay with me and Dadoh and Penny forever and ever." He seemed very content with that answer and bounded off to play. But what a huge question from a 3 year old! I was a little nervous about how he would react the next day but decided that we were gonna go anyway.

Gus and I spent the morning at his preschool for the Christmas party. I love that I am able to take time from school for things like that. I think it is really important to share the love of learning with your kids! Afterwards we headed north to "J".

We got to her house and unloaded the Christmas tree and then went in to chat. We got to meet her roommates and Gus ran around like crazy checking out all of their Christmas decorations and found a coloring book to play with. He talked to all of them and told them stories. He "read" them a book and was a little show off. "J" and her roommates all chatted for a bit. Got a few pictures of "J" and Gus and got ready to head home. Overall it was very relaxed and I was surprised at how easy it was.

I am happy that it went so smoothly and would be completely fine with meeting up again sometime. I knew that when we chose adoption, days like today would happen. I just didn't know that it would happen so unexpectedly on a random Tuesday.

Whirlwind of Wonderful

So remember how I was just saying how patient I needed to be?  Who knew that my world would change so quickly!!  Keep in mind, I wrote that last blog post on Sunday night.

On Monday afternoon, we had our regular staff meeting after school.  This time we were meeting in departments.  As I sat there meeting with the other school counselor, Kathy, my cell phone rang.  I looked down and saw, "Dawn Baker".  Now for those of you who are "Teen Mom" fans, you know that Dawn works for Bethany Christian Services as a pregnancy counselor.  I immediately got anxious as I went to pick up the phone.  Kathy quickly picked up on what was happening and ran to get Joel.  Thank goodness we work in the same building and he could get down to the office quickly to be with me.

Dawn informed us that there was a baby girl born at 1:50 AM that morning and that her birthparents chose us!!  Holy moly!!  We were told to come to the hospital on Tuesday morning to meet our baby girl!

We spent Monday evening frantically pulling out all of our baby stuff.  Every baby bin from the basement was strewn about our living room and kitchen.  (And if you ask Joel, there are WAY too many bins.)  We pulled out any clothing of Gus' that was gender neutral.  Brought up the pack 'n plays.  (Yes, that is plural.) Brought up the swing and the carseat and the changing pad....

I ran to Target to pick up the essentials like diapers, formula, Dreft, a couple of baby girls outfits (so she didn't come home in blue) and Tums (I knew I would need those to get through the next couple of days.)

I had Gus stay in my bed that night (I wanted to snuggle with him and it was our last night as a family of 3) as I laid awake the whole night worrying about everything that was about to happen and crying for my little boy who had no idea that in 12 hours his world was going to change drastically.  I spent half of my night worrying about our next adoption process, praying for this baby, praying for her birthparents, praying for our family.  I spent the other half watching Gus sleep and praying for him.  Praying for the transition that our family was about to make.  Soaking up the last few hours of his only child life and praying for him as the big brother that he was about to become.  Sad that I didn't have time to do something special with him on the last day as a family of three.  It was a very long night full of anxiety and tears....no sleep.

The next day, Gus went to his sitter's house and Joel and I headed to work for a couple of hours before heading to the hospital.  Once we got to the hospital we met up with Dawn who had some paperwork for us to fill out.  She then went to meet with the birthparents for what seemed to be forever long.  She came back to get us and we began the longest walk in the world.  The hospital we were in was huge and the room we were in was super far away from the room that "S" was in.  The walk seemed to be long, awkward and full of anxiety.  (Remember the movie The Green Mile....for some reason that kept popping in my head as we made this long walk down to meet the birthparents.)

Once in the room, we met the birthparents, his mom, her mom and her grandparents.  Nine of us in a tiny hospital room.  It sure was cozy!  We had a chance to talk and get to know one another a little bit.  I was jumping out of my skin!  Pretty sure that my nails were digging into Joel's knee as I held his hand.  We were then led back to the waiting room to wait....and wait...and wait....

While we were waiting, Dawn was taking care of some stuff with the birthparents and also introduced the baby girl to her birth family.  (They had not yet seen her.)  After what seemed to be a long time, Dawn came back to get us.  We went back to the room that "S" was in.  Once we were there, "S" made a point to hand this beautiful little girl over to me.  We held her and loved her and took some pictures with her, with the birthparents, with the whole family.  We gave "S" and "C", the birthfather, a few minutes alone with the baby before we got to take her back down to the room that we were assigned.

We spent the rest of the day hanging out in that room waiting to be discharged.  The baby was born at 36 weeks so she had to pass a carseat test before we could take her home.  We had to wait a long time before the NICU had time to do the test.  We FINALLY left for home around 8 PM.  We pulled in the driveway at 9 PM to meet up with Gus and introduce him to his baby sister!

We are beyond thrilled to welcome

PENELOPE LIN ELIZABETH

to our family!  She is absolutely beautiful and the sweetest little thing!  Penny weighed in at 6 lbs 8 oz and was 18" long.  We are cautiously approaching the next few weeks as we wait for legal placement, but we are over the moon and head over heels in love with this beautiful little girl!!

More info and pictures to follow in the upcoming weeks.  In the mean time, prayers would be much appreciated as we wait out the risk period.

Impatiently Waiting Patiently

Lately I have been talking to Gus about adoption.  I have always talked to him about his birth mom and when we say our prayers, we say a special prayer for her.  I am beyond thankful to "J" for making the courageous decision to choose an adoption plan for Gus.  And I am one lucky lady to be Gus' momma!  (Sidenote- Gus likes to call me "little lady" which comes out as "yittye yady".  Thank goodness he doesn't call me "lucky lady".  That would sound like "yucky yady".  Not nearly as sweet.)  When we talk about adoption, our conversation usually goes like this:

M: Gus, where do babies grow?

G: In beyies ("bellies")

M: Whose belly did you grow in?

G: J_____'s

M: And then what?

G: She gave me to you....to keep forever!

He is little so the fact that he is starting to know about this makes me happy.  Our adoption is semi-open.  We haven't physically seen "J" since the day we all left the hospital.  For Gus to understand adoption at this young age and in our semi-open arrangement, would be amazing.  But to start talking about it and to continue to talk about it is very important.  We have always and will always be very open with Gus about adoption.  We have always talked about it and I am kind of excited about the fact that he is starting to talk about it with me.

M: Hey Gus!  Did you know that you were adopted?

G: I a doctor??

And that is where the conversation currently ends before he is off and running to play with a car or a book.  

I am such a lucky girl and I am often amazed by how much I love this little boy.  I can't imagine my life without him in it!  I found this quote below while reading an adoption blog.  It completely describes how I feel. I would just add, "and I knew that God planned for you to be mine."

Adoption has been on my mind a lot lately, in addition to chatting with Gus about it.  As you know we are currently waiting.  I learned while waiting for Gus that I am not a very patient person.  (I know...big surprise, right?)  But with adoption, we are expected to be patient.  We have been officially waiting for over two months.  We are told that it could be two years!!  Two years?!?!  My heart is already about to leap out of my chest and yet I am expected to wait patiently for that very exciting phone call.  I try hard not to think about it too much because that will only make the waiting harder.  But that is pretty difficult to do when it is a constant prayer on my heart right now.  And to make matters worse, I did something horrible today!  Yes....horrible!  I sorted through all of Gus' baby clothes.  Seriously??  What was I thinking??  First of all, I am a super emotional person of attaches easily to inanimate objects because of the memory it brings up in my mind.  I didn't do too bad sorting through the 8 boxes....got it down to 6.  Part of it is because I remember specific days that Gus wore the outfit and what he did that day and I simply can't bear to give it to someone else.  Secondly, it just makes me ache for another baby!  I can't wait for another little one to snuggle into our arms and our hearts and into all of these clothes!  (By the way, you realize that because I have 6 giant boxes of baby boy clothes, we will end up with a girl this time around.  But because we don't have any boy names picked out, we will end up with a boy.  Yes...this is my luck.  Either way, we will be beyond thrilled...but you can see the conundrum that I have here.)  After sorting through these clothes, I realized that I just need to keep moving on and not focus on what is yet to come. So instead, I read a bunch of adoption blog posts and success stories and restored my hope in what is waiting for us in the future.  While reading, I found this poster... it is a good reminder that while I am pretty impatient, I must remain calm and continue to wait patiently to be a momma again.  Check back in about a month to see how patient I am staying.

Hurry Up and Wait...

I am so excited that we are FINALLY a "waiting family" with Bethany Christian Services for the second time.  What does it mean to be a "waiting family"?

• It means that we have finally finished the roller coaster of a ride we were on with this home study process for #2.
• It means that we were approved and accepted by Bethany Christian Services.
• It means that we are officially on the list of waiting families on Bethany's website.  You can check it out!!  This is one opportunity for birthparents to check out the waiting families.  (And of course we hope that they see ours and say, "Hey!  We like those crazy people!!")
• It means that I say extra prayers every day for a woman out there who is or will be carrying my baby and who will give me one of the greatest gifts in this world.
• It means that I will have to be patient.  Patience is not one of my strengths.
• It means that I will have some frustrating days when I lose my patience.  
• It means that I will be praying constantly for the little one who will join our family.
• It means that I will begin a very long nesting process. I was a Girl Scout....I was taught to always be prepared.
• It means that I will jump every time my phone rings and it is from the 248 area code or if it pops up as Bethany Christian Services, Dawn or Faith (our social workers).
• It means that I will drive Joel crazy as we try to discuss baby names....just so that we are prepared.
• It means that I will start a journal for this baby that I will keep for him/her.
• It means that I will answer a lot of questions about our adoption journey. The most popular, "how is the second adoption process going?"  My response is usually something like, "it's going."
• It means that someday soon, I will get one of the most amazing phone calls telling me that someone chose US!  
• It means that I will get to turn to my hubby and share the most exciting news!
• It means that I will be sick to my stomach until I meet the birthparents.  And then I will remain a bundle of nerves until that baby is in my arms.
• It means that I am preparing myself for the harsh reality of the "risk period" in which the birthparents can change their mind.
• It means that we will wait for months until Baby Stape #2 legally becomes a Stapleton.
• It means that I will be even more of an emotional wreck than normal.

But most of all.....it means that I AM GONNA BE A MOMMA AGAIN!!!  I am so excited to hurry up and wait so that I can be ready to meet the next little one that will capture my heart!  I can't wait!!  Stay tuned for more details about our journey!!

Home Study: Part One

As many of you know, we are in the process of applying for our second adoption.  We are very excited about the idea of expanding our family.  This time around has been tricky!  We have gone through a lot just to get all of the proper paperwork completed, physicals done, fingerprints done, etc.  We hadn't even gotten to the Home Study yet!  Well, today we FINALLY started the Home Study!  WHOO HOO!!  Those close to us know that we have been getting our house cleaned up and pulled together for this meeting.  I was asked a number of times by friends or family about what this process includes.  So here goes...

If you want a definition of a home study, you can check out Wikipedia.  I normally do not think that Wikipedia is a reliable source of info, but after looking at it, it is pretty accurate.  But what did it look like for the Stape fam?  Well, we filled out TONS of paperwork, had our fingerprints/background check done twice, health physicals done twice, recommendation letters sent in, financial and tax info handed over, checks written,  drug tests taken twice, more paperwork filled out, paperwork refilled out when they changed the forms, etc.  Today was the first of our interviews with our social worker, Faith.  (Interesting that her name is Faith, huh?  Gotta have a lot of faith in this process!)

Faith arrived at our house this morning.  Yes, we cleaned our house like crazy people yesterday and today.  Even put Joel's sister and her kids to work last night.  (We invited them to dinner....and then put them to work.  :) Thanks, Gyolai's for always helping us out!!  We owe you big time!!)  Our house is cleaner than it was when we first moved in! It will be nice if we can keep it this way!

Faith sat down with us to go over a bunch of questions and paperwork that we have previously filled out.  We talked about things like our community and the racial make up of it, safety, location of schools, hospitals, fire stations, police departments, size of our lot of land, size of our house, smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, bedrooms, bathrooms, Gus' preschool, employment, openness to children and what we are willing to accept, adoption education, family profiles, letters to birthparents, contracts and finances.  In addition to this, Faith took a tour of our house.  She took notes about what our house was like, what we had in each room, etc.  Gus was really excited to show of his bedroom to her.  Showed her his books and the pond out the window.  She of course, oohed and ahhhed over it all for him.  When she looked at my office, we got on the topic of Thirty-One.  (She LOVES Thirty-One!  I see that as a bonus!!)  Then came the bad part....the poor lady looked in our garage and in our basement!  YIKES!!!  Both are what we consider storage units!  So much junk stored in both of those places it is no wonder she didn't get lost!  Oh well....that is life!

We have our next meeting scheduled with her for next Thursday.  Stay tuned to what the rest of this process looks like!

Beautiful Adoption Story

So I logged in tonight to write a new post.  Whenever I log in, I quick scan the many blogs that I follow and check out what others have to say.  I ran across this blog tonight. And after reading her post, I looked around her blog for a minute and thought I would check out the adoption story.  I had been reading her blog for a while and never noticed the tab with their story.  I will warn you....it will make you cry.  I mean all out, snotty, hyperventilating type of crying...or maybe that is just me.  Thank goodness I am home alone right now and nobody else can see this blubbering mess!!  Just a beautiful story that I wanted to share with others.  Check it out....and their blog!  She has some good stuff!!  Check out Rage Against the Minivan.

When I remember what I was going to write about, I will come back....if I don't get sidetracked by some other really cool thing.

Standing Still

As busy as our life is, as crazy as we are, as much as we are on the move and on the go all the time, part of life is standing still....and it is breaking my heart into tiny pieces.  We are in the application process for adoption #2!  We are very excited about this and can't wait for the day that Gus FINALLY gets to become a big brother.  And he will be a darn good big brother, I am sure of it! Every night I go to bed praying for that little one who will someday join our family.  Every night, I hope and pray that this process would move forward.  Every night, my heart breaks a little bit more.

We are currently at a stand still with our adoption process.  I'm not going to get into the details right now because it is still very raw.  I get very sad and angry which means that there is a lot of crying and snot.  It just isn't a good look for me and why inflict that upon myself right now.  Someday I will fill you in....just not today.  As for now, we simply ask for your prayers as we stand still in this process and wait....and wait....and wait....

....and wait....we haven't even gotten to the part yet where we are "on the list".   It is going to be a long wait.

But one thing that is NOT standing still right now is Gus.  Holy moly....that kid is ON THE MOVE!!  It is not very often that you see that kid walk or stay in one place.  He is often running or hopping or dancing.  But one thing he will sit for is a good book.  Yup!  Just like his Momma and his DaDoh.  We all love a good book and can be completely immersed in it.

I fall in love with this little boy more and more every day!  I am constantly amazed by what he does, what he knows and how much I could just squeeze him and kiss him and snuggle him all day long.  Of course that would be after I catch up with him!!

Where, O Where....

....has this blogger been?!?

Well, the simple answer....everywhere!!  I just finished coaching competitive cheer.  My girls had a pretty good season.  Unfortunately, we missed going to regionals by .65 of a point.  Seriously?!?!  Oh well.  My calendar is a lot less full now.  I no longer have practice 6 days a week.  Makes a huge difference!  I am almost not sure what to do with the free time.  Really today was the first day that I had free so what did I do??  I played dinosaurs with Gus, of course!

Gus has suddenly taken an interest in dinosaurs.  I love that he seems to have many interests.  Lately it has been Muppets, Lion King, Robin Hood, puzzles, books, trains and dinosaurs.  Seriously?  Who wouldn't love all of those things??  The problem with dinosaurs is that I was one of the "Otto Girls".  My sister, Annie, and I didn't play with dinosaurs.  We didn't learn all of their names.  Who knew I would ever need that information?  Now my son turns to me and asks each dinosaurs name!  And did you know that they have changed the names?  So the few I did have memorized....gone!  Can you believe it?  No more brontosaurus!!  So I have started doing my dino research.  We will see how quickly I can memorize this!!

If you ask Gus these days if he wants a baby brother or sister, he will tell you that he wants a baby sister!!  (If you recall, he also asked Santa for a baby sister, so this desire has not gone away.)  We are doing the best we can to help him out with his request!  All of our paperwork is turned in with the agency.  Next up is our home study.  I'm excited for our home study this time.  Mainly because it means that we are one step closer to welcoming baby #2.  I know what to expect this time with our home study.  The only difference is that we will have a different social worker for the home study than we normally have.  Our beloved social worker, Louise, will not be working with us again, but right now she is taking care of more important business....being a new mommy!  We were a little bummed that she wouldn't be doing our home study....but I think she has a darn good reason as to why!!

Stay tuned for more adoption news!  You know that we will fill you in here!!

Super Sunday

Re-do...

We received a phone call from our agency.  Unfortunately, we have to re-do some of our paperwork...including our fingerprints.  Ugh!!  I was sure that we were all set....now we are at a stand still again!  Now we wait for the forms to arrive so that we can sit down and start filling them out.  I guess it is just one more hurdle for us to jump...we are getting pretty good at jumping over them these days!

Growing the Stape Fam...

Big news!  We have officially started the process for our second adoption!  We dropped off the paperwork today at Bethany Christian Services.  I remember when it was just the two of us and we dropped off our paperwork for our first adoption.  SO nerve-wracking!  We had no idea what to expect and what we were in for...but we were excited.  We celebrated by going out to Texas Roadhouse afterwards.  Little did we know at that time how incredibly blessed we would be when Baby Spike (aka. Gus) joined our family!

Today, the three of us took our paperwork up to the agency to submit.  And then as a family we went out to dinner at Red Robin.  Joel told Gus we were going to dinner and asked him what he wanted for dinner.  Gus' response?  "Bugger (burger), buh-byes (french fries) and....A DIET COKE!"  We haven't laughed that hard in a long time!  (And no, Gus doesn't really get to drink diet coke.)  He definitely offers some comic relief!!

We can't wait until the day when we get to post on here about Baby Stape #2.  You will hear  about the baby on here as Sassy or Spunky depending on if it is a boy or a girl.  We welcome you to join us on our journey and follow as we update you on our blog.  We ask that you keep our family and our future baby and his/her birthparents in your prayers!  This can be a very rough and unpredictable road to travel down.  We are preparing for a long wait, but we are very excited for the Stape Fam to grow again.

Everything to Me

Tonight, on Facebook, I saw that a friend attended a Mark Schultz concert.  This reminded me of my favorite song of his....and for obvious reason...it is about adoption!  We were shown this video at one of our adoption meetings and it still hits me like a ton of bricks.  Just listen to the words....brings tears to my eyes every time.

I hope and pray that we are able to raise our son to have the same level of gratitude for his birth mom that Mark has for his.  I hope that he grows up to be the man that I dream he will be.  Honorable, respectable, kind, compassionate, passionate about life, a man of God, loving husband, devoted father....the list goes on and on and on.  In addition, I hope that everything that we teach him leads him to be very thankful and appreciative of "J" and the choice that she made.  I know that I am extremely thankful for her and the choice that she made.  And the moment I met Gus, I told him that I would make sure that he knew of his roots and that I would answer as many of his questions that I possibly could.  "J" gave me my everything, my beautiful little boy,...and I will make sure that Gus always knows that!

Cause and Effect

So I met someone recently who just learned a few weeks ago that her teenage nephew isn't her biological nephew.  The teenage boy has yet to be informed about that as well.  This is earth-shattering news for their family and it brings up some questions:

How will this piece of information affect their immediate family? 

And their extended family? 

Will family members suddenly feel as if they are no longer family? 

Will family members treat each other differently?

Why wasn't the teenage boy told before the extended family of adults was told? 

Was it to have more support for the teenager when he did find out? 

Might he also feel betrayed when he finds out that everyone else knew except him? 

Why do some people feel the need to keep such things a secret?

What is wrong with honesty?


I have had more than one person ask me if we are going to tell Gus that he is adopted.  HA!  Are you kidding me?!?  The kid already knows!  In some adoptive families it is easy to tell when someone is adopted simply based on physical characteristics.  That is not the case in our family.  Gus looks A LOT like us.  He could easily pass as a biological child of ours....but that would dishonest.  Joel and I always knew that we would be extremely open with our kids about adoption.  We never what them to be ashamed of adoption.  We want them to be proud of it!  There are times I even feel that Gus is a posterchild for adoption because we are so open about it and we speak to large groups about adoption.  People ask how Gus already knows that he is adopted, he is only 2 years old, after all.  From the moment that Gus came home with us, he and I would say our prayers together.  (Okay....I say them...he listens....I hope.)  We always pray for his birthparents.  I have told him as much as I know about them and I will continue to do so for him.  I never want my son to be surprised by any of this information.  This information does not change the fact that his is my son.  It is just important for him to know how he came into this world.

My heart breaks for the friend I mentioned above and for her nephew.  Their world has been turned upside down because of this "secret".  To her is doesn't matter at all whether there is a biological connection or not....he will always be her nephew.  I just know that their family is going to have a rough road when this does become full blown.  We have added them to our prayer list....hope you will, too!!

Adoption used to be a very "hush-hush" topic.  Many people didn't know for a long time that they were adopted.  What do you think is best??  Are there pros to keeping it a secret?  If so, please share!!

Race for Home

Last year, the Stapleton family took part in the 1st Bethany Christian Services Race for Home. Bethany Christian Services in the agency that we worked with for our adoption. Last year we did this as a little family of three. Check out my blogpost from last year. It was then that I determined that I was going to get more family and friends involved this year. Bethany Christian Services is an amazing organization! They have truly wonderful people working for them. We are so looking forward to working with them again as we hope to adopt again soon.



Bethany Christian Services provides a variety of services within the community and they are able to do because of the donations that they receive throughout the year. This event is just one of the many ways that they are able to do that. As a family, we are hoping that you will be willing to do one of the following to help Bethany Christian Services this summer and participate in our family tradition of Racing for Home.

1) Pray. This is free...won't cost you a thing! Pray for the families out there waiting to become complete by adopting a child. Pray for the children out there who need a family and a home of their own. Pray for the men and women who work for Bethany Christian Services. Pray for the birthparents out there who have either made the tough decision to make an adoption plan or haven't yet made that decision. Pray that more people come to learn about foster care and adoption and are more accepting of it. (I know...you are thinking, how could anyone not be open to it?? Trust me...I have met some who are not!) If you will be praying, please let up know by leaving a comment on this post!

2) Cheer. This will cost you the gas it takes to get there. We would love to have you there at the walk to cheer us on. Joel and Joe Conner will be running and Gus and I will be doing the walk. We would love to see your smiling faces there supporting all of the runners and walkers.


3) Walk/Run. We would be more than honored if you would walk or run next to us. I think it would be so cool to have family and friends make this a tradition with us. (I'm crying just thinking about it.) We know that we are very lucky to have so many family and friends who are so supportive. How awesome would it be to see them together with our family?!? If you are interested, you can register online at http://www.bethany.org/A55798/bethanyWWW.nsf/0/E2E33FA01E51AB9A852576F7006626A3.


4) Donate. I'm not one to solicit money from others, but I do feel very strongly about what Bethany Christian Services does. Without them, I would not be the mom of a beautiful little boy who calls me "Momma" and calls Joel "DaDoh". I am very blessed to have Gus in my life. I can't imagine life without him in it. (Yup...you guessed it...I am crying again.) I can't wait for Gus to become a big brother someday and I hope and pray that other families out there get to wrap their arms around a child with the help of BCS. If you feel so called as to donate to Bethany Christian Services, you can fill out this form and mail it back in to BCS or you can give your donations to Joel or myself. http://www.bethany.org/pdfs/sponsorshipletter.pdf (Since Gus is not registered, please use my name as the participant.) Note- This money does not go to our family. It goes to Bethany Christian Services to help with the programs that they run and the services that they offer.


We are really excited to participate in our 2nd Race for Home. We love the tradition that we have started for our family and hope that you will join us in one way or another!

Adoptive Parent Annoyance

"That's what always happens! People adopt, and then they get pregnant!" Which isn't true, not at all. Only about 5% of couples who adopt after infertility will go on to have a successful pregnancy, and I have to wonder, given my situation, how many of those pregnancies are due to donor gametes or embryos... 

I read than on one of the many blogs that I follow written by Willow, who is an adoptive mom who is also now pregnant with the help of donor eggs.  Check out the entire post....it is good!  I can't even tell you how many people say this to me.  "Just watch....now you will get pregnant!"  EVERYONE seems to know about another family who adopted and then got pregnant afterwards....and they LOVE to tell me about it.  I know that people mean well and that they probably think that is something I should hope for.  I don't think that they realize how frustrating it is to hear people mention that.  Like Willow said, only about 5% of adoptive parents end up having successful pregnancies after adoption.  Those are not good odds. 

Now of course, we will welcome any children that God may bless us with, but do I think that just because we adopted that I will get pregnant now?  No, of course not!  I still remember the years of failures and disappointments all too well.  It was a very painful and lonely time for me.  And of course, it seemed like everyone we knew was getting pregnant during that time.  (And, yes, my crazy self counted.  There were 32 babies of friends/acquaintances of ours that were born between the time we began looking at the infertility issues to the day that we learned about Gus.  That included 2 sets of twins.)  I struggled a lot emotionally during those years.  I remember sitting at a staff meeting and chatting with a handful of my coworkers...two of which recently had babies.  They were talking about how they wish they could still wear their maternity pants because they were so comfortable.  One turned to me and said, "Oh Beth...just wait....you are going to LOVE wearing them!"  I had to leave the room before I burst into tears.  All I could think was how I probably would never wear maternity clothes.  It seemed like an innocent conversation....and really, most of those women didn't know what I was going through at the time.  I also remember a deal my husband and I made.  I love real trees at Christmas and he likes fake ones.  Since we visit family for the majority of the holidays Joel didn't think it was a good idea to have a real tree.  So the deal was that we would have fake until we had kids...because then we wouldn't travel as much.  I clearly remember sitting in a snowbank in the middle of a tree farm as we were hunting for my parents Christmas tree.  I was surrounded by reminders of how I still wasn't a mom.  These memories, and many others, are very vivid to me.  I will always remember those years but they don't sting as much any more because there is a beautiful little boy in my life now.  I will not pretend that all the issues have changed and that I will suddenly have a successful pregnancy. 

This week was National Infertility Awareness Week.  Did you know that 1 in 8 men or women are diagnosed with infertility?  Travelling the road of infertility is a very lonely road to be on.  Even when travelling it with your spouse, it is very lonely and painful.  Please take a minute to pray for those who have experienced fertility issues.  And if you want to learn more about the infertility issues that many people face and learn the truth to many myths out there, check out http://www.resolve.org/.

Adoption Roundtable

Has open adoption ever felt like too much? Have you ever wanted to walk away?

That is what we were asked today at Production, Not Reproduction.  I have participated a couple of times in this roundtable discussion.  These questions hit me like a ton of bricks. 

"Has open adoption ever felt like too much?"  Honestly, it doesn't consume me as much.  Before we adopted I wondered how hard it would really be.  Would I be up for it?  Could I handle it emotionally?  So far, so good.  But I think that has a lot to do with the fact that Gus' birthmom, J, is very easy going.  She has made our open plan really easy. I am discovering that we are luckier than a lot of other families out there.  We are very blessed the J has made it so that it never feels like too much. 

There is only one exception....Mother's Day.  I've only had 2 Mother's Day's so far.  One when Gus was still in the womb and one with us.  Before Gus was born, I dreaded Mother's Day.  Not because I didn't want to celebrate my own mom, but because of the emotions and heartache.  Once we decided to start a family and had repeated failure, Mother's Day became very difficult.  In church they honor the mothers in the congregation on this day and they say a blessing on all of them.  Never fails...I bawled.  Aching to be one of those moms.  Once I did become a mom, I continued to bawl in church.  It still seems quite surreal.  I am very blessed!  The hard part, however, is thinking about the other mother out there.  I know that Mother's Day is very difficult for Gus' birthmom.  And because Gus is too little to do it himself, I take on the responsibility of sending something to J, to honor her for making the difficult decision she did to grant Gus life and to making an adoption plan for him.  So on a day that should be one that I get to enjoy...I try to make sure that Gus' birthmom is not forgotten.  That is the only time (so far) that adoption seems to be too much.  This is not something that many other mom's need to think about.

"Have you ever wanted to walk away?"  Heck, no!  Adoption is such a blessing and we are so very blessed to have Gus in our life.  And even throughout the entire process, I have never wanted to walk away.  And you know what?  I plan to walk right into it again when we adopt again!

Anniversary

Today Joel and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary.  It seems like just yesterday that we got married on that beautiful April day.  It was warm and sunny even though the forecasters said it was going to snow.  We were surrounded by friends and family to celebrate one of the best days of our life.

Fastforward four years.  On this day in 2009, we met Gus' birthfather.  I mentioned it before on this blog but did not go into any detail.  The reason we met with "K" was because he was reconsidering his parental rights.  Unlike birthmothers, the birthfather can sign off his rights before the baby is born.  He was considering the option of raising the unborn baby.  We met with K and our social worker, Dawn.  We all sat at a table in a little conference room.  I was sweating....I felt sick to my stomach.  What if this man did change his mind?  How would my legs even carry me out of this building before I collapsed to the ground in an unconsolable heap? How would I ever be able to celebrate my anniversary again since all I would ever remember is what happened on this day?  I watched in awe as Dawn spoke to K.  That woman is worth her weight in gold!!  I would have paid her a million dollars for her work on that day alone.  She was able to facilitate conversation between the three of us and make us all feel more comfortable with one another.  He shared some things about his life that he wanted to make sure that we shared with Gus one day.  Long story short, we had a successful meeting that day and K ended up signing later that week.  We never saw or heard from K after that.  And I am sure that we probably never will.  Not sure how I feel about that....I think that is something for me to investigate further some other day.

Move forward to today...today was delightful.  It was relaxing.  I did some organizing in my craft/Thirty-One room.  I wrote some thank you notes.  I packaged up some items to be mailed out to friends.  Joel and Gus went grocery shopping together today and left me in an empty, quiet house.  This was one of the first days that I had that was free of any plans.  LOVED it!  I loved getting to just relax and hangout with my boys.  Gus was full of energy and full of giggles.  Such a fun day!

I Gotcha Baby!

Cool Dude!

It has been a year since Gus officially, legally, became Lil' Stape!  I can't believe how quickly a year went by.  It seemed like it took so long for his adoption to become final.  I remember sitting in my office at school when I got the voicemail telling me that the agency had received word that it was final.  I could barely breathe, I was sobbing so hard.  We had been through a lot and this meant that all of my worries were gone.  I immediately felt a sense of relief.  The waiting was over.  He had our last name now.  Our names were finally on his birth certificate as the parents.  We could finally move on how and not thinking about the adoption process for a while.  I think that I sobbed most of the day after that.  I am the luckiest girl!!

I gotcha!!!

Does adoption change your family?

Today I was approached by a freshman in our building.

"Hey!  You and your husband adopted a baby, right?"

"Yes, we did."

"Can I ask you a question?  How did it change your family?"

I was at a loss for words for a minute.  First of all I was so taken off guard but I immediately became curious as to why she was asking.  Turns out that her parents are planning to adopt through foster care.  They are looking to adopt a girl between the ages of 9 and 12.  After she told me this, I realized that she was nervous and insecure about her place in the family once someone new entered their home. (At that point, we went into the counseling office so that we could chat privately.)

But her question still sits on my heart tonight.  How did adoption change our family?  Truth be told...it didn't change our family at all.  It made us a family!  It made me a momma!  I am sure that when we add number two, our family will change but that will have nothing to do with adoption and everything to do with having another baby in the house.  So does adoption change a family??  In my opinion, no.  But did Gus change my life?  Absolutely!!!