Cause and Effect

So I met someone recently who just learned a few weeks ago that her teenage nephew isn't her biological nephew.  The teenage boy has yet to be informed about that as well.  This is earth-shattering news for their family and it brings up some questions:

How will this piece of information affect their immediate family? 

And their extended family? 

Will family members suddenly feel as if they are no longer family? 

Will family members treat each other differently?

Why wasn't the teenage boy told before the extended family of adults was told? 

Was it to have more support for the teenager when he did find out? 

Might he also feel betrayed when he finds out that everyone else knew except him? 

Why do some people feel the need to keep such things a secret?

What is wrong with honesty?


I have had more than one person ask me if we are going to tell Gus that he is adopted.  HA!  Are you kidding me?!?  The kid already knows!  In some adoptive families it is easy to tell when someone is adopted simply based on physical characteristics.  That is not the case in our family.  Gus looks A LOT like us.  He could easily pass as a biological child of ours....but that would dishonest.  Joel and I always knew that we would be extremely open with our kids about adoption.  We never what them to be ashamed of adoption.  We want them to be proud of it!  There are times I even feel that Gus is a posterchild for adoption because we are so open about it and we speak to large groups about adoption.  People ask how Gus already knows that he is adopted, he is only 2 years old, after all.  From the moment that Gus came home with us, he and I would say our prayers together.  (Okay....I say them...he listens....I hope.)  We always pray for his birthparents.  I have told him as much as I know about them and I will continue to do so for him.  I never want my son to be surprised by any of this information.  This information does not change the fact that his is my son.  It is just important for him to know how he came into this world.

My heart breaks for the friend I mentioned above and for her nephew.  Their world has been turned upside down because of this "secret".  To her is doesn't matter at all whether there is a biological connection or not....he will always be her nephew.  I just know that their family is going to have a rough road when this does become full blown.  We have added them to our prayer list....hope you will, too!!

Adoption used to be a very "hush-hush" topic.  Many people didn't know for a long time that they were adopted.  What do you think is best??  Are there pros to keeping it a secret?  If so, please share!!