A Lost Dream

My mind has done a lot of thinking today.  A very good friend of mine just found out that she is pregnant.  I am SO excited for her....excited beyond words.  But it got me to thinking about when we started trying to start a family.  I dreamed about how excited I would be to tell my husband.  I brainstormed creative ideas and fun surprises on how I was going to tell him he was going to be a daddy.  I even thought about how we were going to tell our families.  We were going to get them all those mini staplers.  (Get it?  Baby "Staplers"...Baby Stapleton??  Cute, right?) 

With each passing month of disappointment and with each loss, that dream slipped further and further away...to the point that I completely forgot about it.  I gave up on getting my hopes up and trying to plan ahead for what could be.

When we decided to adopt, we tried to be a little creative with the way that we informed family and friends.  We came up with a catchy little poem and sent out cards to what seemed like everyone we knew, including everyone that we worked with.  We created our blog to help keep people informed.  When I got the call that changed our lives, I couldn't wait to tell Joel and when I finally got to tell him, I just spewed information.  And when we told our families we did it through tears on the phone so I am sure that they could barely understand us.  (The hyperventilating kind of tears.) 

*Side note*
Yesterday I read an article that someone wrote about telling friends and family the exciting news and how just because you are adopting, it doesn't mean that it is any less exciting.  If you get time, take a minute to read the article.  It is so true!!

So for as long as I had dreamed about how perfect it was going to be to tell our friends and family and to share in the joyous news, I realize that it was just a dream.  Dreams come and go and get replaced with new dreams.  And the reality of it is that my biggest dream came true!

Jealousy and Envy

Isn't it amazing that we can be so content and happy in life until we notice something around us and are instantly jealous and envious of others?  As a frequent Facebook-er, I get to keep up on the latest events of friends and family.  In the past two days I have had 6 friends post that they are expecting babies.  Don't get me wrong, I am completely blessed and totally in love with my little man and I don't want to rush life.  I was perfectly content until I have suddenly noticed all of the new baby announcements.  Suddenly, I can't wait for Gus to be a big brother.  It is so silly because he is so little himself still, how could he be a "big" brother? 

I had the experience last week of what it is like to have 3 children when Joel and I watched our niece and nephew for 1/2 the week.  I felt completely overwhelmed and in complete awe of any mom who has more than one child....but I secretly loved it.  I loved the chaos and I loved watching the three of them interact.  Granted I am very blessed with a wonderful niece and nephew who I adore.  They are so great with Gus and they love him like crazy.  (And yes, the feeling is mutual.  Gus loves to attack them with his love.)  They are so kind and loving towards their baby cousin and perhaps if he were their sibling, they may not be as patient.  Regardless, I love the thought of a house full of laughter and silliness.  I loved hearing those giggles and squeals of three children playing together.

I know that our time will come and we will have a sibling for Gus.  I think the part that is the hardest for me is that I have absolutely NO control over when that will be.  (And we know how much of a control freak I am, so you can imagine how frustrating this is for me.)  Granted we get to pick the time for when we will apply for another adoption...but then it is out of our hands and we simply wait.  I know that God will send us another beautiful baby who will fit perfectly into our little family...and until then, I will enjoy the time we have with Gus.  He is only little once and I don't want to miss a second of it by being jealous and envious of others who are expanding their families.  Our time will come...just need to be patient.