More in love than before

I didn't think it was possible....but I am more in love with my little man that I could ever imagine.  I have always had that unconditional momma love for him but this is different.  It's the "my heart is bursting and it hurts how much I love you and I instantly burst into tears" kinda love.

Last night I had a VERY overtired little fella.  He simply couldn't close his eyes and go to sleep.  And if you put him down he started screaming. (The silent cry...wait for it.....blood curdling scream and crocodile tears.)  So we rocked.  As I sit there cuddling my little man, rocking back and forth and alternating between singing Les Mis, "On My Own" and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" it hit me.  Ever so softly, this tiny hand touched my cheek and these beautiful blue eyes stared up at me.  Instant tears (from me).  I was a mess.  At that point my singing got worse due to my hysterical sobbing.  At that moment that sweet little hand that was gently cupping my cheek moved and placed its hand firmly on my mouth as if to stop me from singing.  And those blue eyes sparkled back at me and a huge smile came from behind the "nunny" in his mouth.  We both ended up in fits of giggles.  Such a sweet moment....until I ruined it with my singing.

(*On a side note- whenever I sing songs that we played in band, I end up singing the French Horn part.  I can't help it.  It just happens.  So perhaps my son will never know what the song truly sounds like.  Perhaps he does know and him covering my mouth was a message.  Who knows!  But nobody else has to hear it so I will continue to sing the French Horn part.  And yes, I get a lot of weird looks when I do the same thing with the National Anthem....but hey! I am a proud American and I will sing whatever part I want in the National Anthem!)

Tonight I had another one of those moments.  I came home from cheer practice and Gus toddled quickly over to me while yelling at the top of his lungs.  (It is loud but I secretly love it because it doesn't happen that often.)  So I scooped up my little man and hugged him and kissed him.  He snuggled right into the crook of my neck and settled in for a few minutes.  Any time this happens, I soak it up.  I stood there holding him and patting his back...and then it happened. A little one-year-old hand patted my back!  (My mom tells me that I also did this when I was little.  I'm sure a lot of kids do as they mimick their parents.)  Again...instant tears.  I couldn't help it.  I love this little boy more and more!!

I often get asked about adoption and the most common question is, "Isn't it expensive?".  My response, "You can't really put a price on loving a child."  There is no question in my mind that I am so rich....even if it is just in hugs and pats on the back or cheek by a pudgy little hand. It makes me regret ever wondering if we could afford to adopt.  How could we afford NOT to?  

A First for Me

Within the past 5 1/2 years that I have lived in this home, I have never taken a bath in it...only showers. I used to love taking baths at my parents house. When they built their house they put a beautiful old claw foot tub in the bathroom that my sister and I shared. Talk about luxurious! Ooo-la-la!! Perhaps that is why....my tub here is just a plain old shower/tub combination. Not nearly as fun.
I have been sick all week and decided that maybe a bath would be a good idea....Gus loves his baths. But I added something to my bath that Gus doesn't get in his...BUBBLES!!!

My bath was delightful. I loved the citrus smell of the bubbles surrounding me. (I loved that I could smell them at all! I have been stuffed up with cold all week!) I loved how all of the tension left my muscles. I loved my bright pink, sassy, toenails peeking through the bubbles. (Thank you, Annie's Salon for the pretty toes! And in case you are wondering, no, my sister, Annie, does not have a salon. That is just what we call it when she does my hair or my nails.) Most of all, I loved how quiet it was! Our house is so little that often we can hear if one at the other end of the house hiccups. And I love my boys to pieces but they can both be pretty noisy at times. In the sanctuary of my bathroom, it was peaceful today. Not sure if my boys were being extra quiet, if Joel fell asleep and Gus was getting into trouble or if this bathroom is sound proofed more than I thought it was. Perhaps the noise was dampened by the shower curtain that I had pulled completely shut. (Now, I know that I was in the bathroom alone but I'm the crazy one who is always afraid that an intruder is going to break into my home and find me in the bathroom. I will show them! They can't see me if I am behind the curtain. But then I think, I won't be able to see them coming either. And I would be trapped without an escape anyway. So what good would a shower curtain do me anyway?! Regardless, I like the curtain closed!)

I feel so calm and relaxed after my super long bath. Yes, I refilled the tub twice once the water got cold. (Of course more bubbles!) And yes, Joel checked on me a couple of times to make sure I didn't fall asleep in there. And he was lucky he didn't say a word about how much water I was wasting. (Yes, my conscious weighed heavy on me when I filled the tub. I could almost hear my dad yelling up the stairs like he used to. "Don't you think you have used enough water?" And the answer would have been "no". It was a great bath!)

I must remember to take time out more often to take a nice relaxing bath. I am feeling so much better. Perhaps it is the cure to why I have been feeling so lousy this week. If so, I will take it!! No wonder Gus loves bath time!!

M-I-C...K-E-Y

Gus had a week of many firsts.  He took his first vacation!  We have taken other trips to see friends and family, but this was the first vacation we had planned that was just for us.  The idea for the trip actually came before Gus was even born.  My friend, Amy Sulewski, and I decided that we wanted to take our kids to Disney for the first time together.  So after a lot of planning (and a few uncertainties) we finally made it to Orlando.

FIRST plane ride- We started our trip in the 1st class lounge.  The parent of one of our students works inside there and invited us in.  It was nice to relax in a quiet space before the hustle and bustle of the airport.

Waiting to board the plane.

We arrived at our resort where there was a birthday surprise waiting for Gus in our room.  It included a balloon, autograph book and Gus' FIRST set of Mickey ears.

Gus and his "ears".

Gus met a ton of characters in Disney World.  His FIRST one was Minnie Mouse.  He thought it would be a good idea to try to eat her nose!

Hi Minnie Mouse!!

The Disney transporation was so easy to use.  We took a boat, the monorail and spent a lot of time on a bus.  Gus loved it because he didn't have to be in a carseat.  He was eager to look around at everything we went by.  He was like a little puppy paying attention to his surroundings.  At one point he decided to start holding onto the pole like Momma and Dada did.

Gus on the bus!  Hold on, Gus!

We went to the Magic Kingdom ElectroMagic Parade.  Gus LOVED all of the lights.  He had a ton of fun at his FIRST parade.

"WOW!!"

Gus saw his FIRST fireworks at Magic Kingdom.  (Yes, it was past his bedtime, but there was no way that we were gonna past up that opportunity!)  The end of the fireworks has the song "A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes."  This entire trip was full of emotion for me and I cried a ton!  When this song played, I lost it completely!  We are totally living the dream as our little family. 

My boys watching the fireworks.

DUMBO!  Gus LOVED the Dumbo ride.  On this ride you get to control your own elephant to go up and down.  Gus loved playing with that little lever.

Disney was smart to place an elephant on the ground for mommas like myself who want pictures with it. 

Gus has a blast riding the tea cup ride!  We didn't spin too much.  Gus just thought it was fun!  The Sulewski family were so fortunate to have Alice from Alice in Wonderland ride in their tea cup with them.  Rylie was in awe!

"Weeeeee"

Growing up, I was in love with Winnie the Pooh and his friends.  I was thrilled for Gus to get to meet those characters.  He was amazed by Tigger!

"T-I- double Grr- R"

We made this trip all about celebrating Gus' first birthday.  Gus had his FIRST frosting....and loved it.

"YUM!"

On Wednesday of our trip, Gus woke up with a skyrocketing fever.  After a couple of hours of it not going down and a very unhappy baby, we decided to go to urgent care and see if we could find out what was wrong.  Turns out he had his FIRST ear infection.  Poor peanut!  So we spent our last day at Disney in our hotel room.

"OUCH"

On the day of our departure, we were trying to pack up and get ready to go.  Gus decided to have some of his own fun.

"Gus-gus....where are you?!?"

The bathroom door had a mirror on it and Gus could not get enough of it!

"Who is that handsome devil in the mirror?"

We had a WONDERFUL time at Disney World.  We have already started to think about our next trip that we will take there.  Can't wait!!

Gus in the Grass

Gus played for the first time in the grass while at Gramma's for Easter.  He wasn't bothered at all by the weird feeling of the grass, which surprised me.

He even found an old leaf to eat.  Bleack!!

Gus' mom

This weekend was a lot of fun!  On Friday night, Joel and I had the opportunity to talk about our adoption experience and our little Gus-Gus.  Bethany Christian Services, the agency we went through for our adoption, asked us to represent their Domestic Infant Adoption program.  And we couldn't be more proud that they picked us!!  We spoke in front of a group of about 200 people.  We were originally told there would be about 300 people.  I'm glad that they didn't all show up.  :) We brought Gus with us and even had some babysitters come meet us there to keep him occupied during the time that we were speaking.  Many people came up to talk to us and to meet Gus afterwards.  I never would have imagined that we would have done something like this but we had a great time!  (We also found out that we are now able to apply for our second adoption any time.  Joel has had to hold me back and remind me that we aren't ready yet.  But someday soon we will be.)  On Tuesday, Joel and I will be speaking again to another group.  This time we will be speaking to a group of social work students.  Should be another good time.

To top everything off this weekend, Gus caught me off guard when he said, "mommommommommommommommommomma".  The most amazing thing that I could ever hear!!

Moving around

Gus has learned to pull himself up and we fear that walking is not far off.  He really likes to pull himself up on his music table and create a bunch of noise!!

No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed!!

Well, we had the first of I'm sure many scary events in Gus' life.  We made our first trip to the emergency room for him.  Gus and I were upstairs in my room and unfortunately he got away from me too quickly and took a nose dive off the bed onto his head!!  I spoke with the pediatrician and she said that we should keep and eye on him and gave us signs to look for.  One of those signs was vomit.  About 15 minutes after I hung up with the doctor, Gus started to throw up.  So off to the ER we went.  The monitored him and checked him out.  They even gave him a popscicle...his first.  They sent us on our way and told us to wake him up every two hours throughout the night to check on him.  We'll just put it this way...he is one angry little man when you wake him up.

Gus' chunky little ankle sporting his hospital bracelet.

Ready for the Race

We took a couple of kids to an indoor track meet on Saturday.  This was Gus' first track meet and he was dressed instyle with his track jacket and running shoes on.

Oh crap....

....literally.  It finally happened...my son pooped on the carpet in the middle of having his diaper changed. 

I am sure this is one of the many gross things that I will encounter as a mom.  I should probably invest in a carpet cleaner.

On the upside, we went back to the doctor today and Gus got the clean bill of health.  No more bronchiolitis!  I am thrilled about that and thrilled that he doesn't need anymore antibiotics.  The antibiotics did not sit well with our little man.  :(  Yahoo!  No more sickness!

One year anniversary

It totally slipped my mind!  Last week was my one year anniversary of blogging!  How could one possibly forget something like that?  HA!!  It was a year ago that we decided to help pass the time of waiting to adopt by starting a blog.  We thought it would be a great way to not only pass the time but a way to keep family updated.  It wasn't long before we got THE CALL!!  After that we began to blog about our baby Spike.

Today was a big day for us.  Today we had our LAST meeting with our social worker, Louise.  She was here to check on Gus and to have us sign our final petition to the court.  (And to pick up our final check!)  Now it is just a matter of waiting for the Wayne County Courts to process the paperwork and send us the finalization.   When Louise came, she also brought with her a picture of Gus' birthfather.  I am so glad that there is at least one picture of him for Gus to have.  I am not sure how much, if any, contact we will ever have with him so it is nice that Gus will at least have a picture some day.  I want to be as prepared as possible for any questions Gus might have someday so I will stash it away for him...but I am glad that we have it.

It just amazes me that at this time last year, I didn't even know that I would be a mom so quickly.  I happened to be playing with Gus in the bathroom mirror.  I glanced up and noticed myself holding Gus.  Just still can't believe it...I am a MOMMA!!

Gus' 1st Christmas!

Christmas 2008 was a very difficult time for me.  My Papa had just passed away the week before and I missed him terribly.  And all I wanted for Christmas was to be a mom...and that wasn't happening.  Little did I know that a month later I would find out about the baby that was going to entering our family!  This year I feel so incredibly blessed to have Gus in my life.  I am such a lucky lady!!  In previous years, I knew exactly what I wanted for Christmas.  This year I already had everything I need and want and he is such a precious little boy!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

Who doesn't love the first big snow of the year?!?  Gus got to experience his first snow on Saturday.  He wasn't quite sure what to do about it.  He touched and ate it...and then we had a conversation about how he should never eat the yellow snow.  :)  I just love being able to experience all of these "firsts" with him!