Adoptive Parent Annoyance

"That's what always happens! People adopt, and then they get pregnant!" Which isn't true, not at all. Only about 5% of couples who adopt after infertility will go on to have a successful pregnancy, and I have to wonder, given my situation, how many of those pregnancies are due to donor gametes or embryos... 

I read than on one of the many blogs that I follow written by Willow, who is an adoptive mom who is also now pregnant with the help of donor eggs.  Check out the entire post....it is good!  I can't even tell you how many people say this to me.  "Just watch....now you will get pregnant!"  EVERYONE seems to know about another family who adopted and then got pregnant afterwards....and they LOVE to tell me about it.  I know that people mean well and that they probably think that is something I should hope for.  I don't think that they realize how frustrating it is to hear people mention that.  Like Willow said, only about 5% of adoptive parents end up having successful pregnancies after adoption.  Those are not good odds. 

Now of course, we will welcome any children that God may bless us with, but do I think that just because we adopted that I will get pregnant now?  No, of course not!  I still remember the years of failures and disappointments all too well.  It was a very painful and lonely time for me.  And of course, it seemed like everyone we knew was getting pregnant during that time.  (And, yes, my crazy self counted.  There were 32 babies of friends/acquaintances of ours that were born between the time we began looking at the infertility issues to the day that we learned about Gus.  That included 2 sets of twins.)  I struggled a lot emotionally during those years.  I remember sitting at a staff meeting and chatting with a handful of my coworkers...two of which recently had babies.  They were talking about how they wish they could still wear their maternity pants because they were so comfortable.  One turned to me and said, "Oh Beth...just wait....you are going to LOVE wearing them!"  I had to leave the room before I burst into tears.  All I could think was how I probably would never wear maternity clothes.  It seemed like an innocent conversation....and really, most of those women didn't know what I was going through at the time.  I also remember a deal my husband and I made.  I love real trees at Christmas and he likes fake ones.  Since we visit family for the majority of the holidays Joel didn't think it was a good idea to have a real tree.  So the deal was that we would have fake until we had kids...because then we wouldn't travel as much.  I clearly remember sitting in a snowbank in the middle of a tree farm as we were hunting for my parents Christmas tree.  I was surrounded by reminders of how I still wasn't a mom.  These memories, and many others, are very vivid to me.  I will always remember those years but they don't sting as much any more because there is a beautiful little boy in my life now.  I will not pretend that all the issues have changed and that I will suddenly have a successful pregnancy. 

This week was National Infertility Awareness Week.  Did you know that 1 in 8 men or women are diagnosed with infertility?  Travelling the road of infertility is a very lonely road to be on.  Even when travelling it with your spouse, it is very lonely and painful.  Please take a minute to pray for those who have experienced fertility issues.  And if you want to learn more about the infertility issues that many people face and learn the truth to many myths out there, check out http://www.resolve.org/.

Must See

This video is a must see if you need to put a smile on your face.  It entertained Gus and me this morning!

http://youtu.be/xVkURlcF63Q

(For some reason it won't let me put the video on here so you will have to go to youtube to watch it.

Can I get one, please??

Joel said that if I can find one, I can get it. Please help me find one!!! How cool would it be to have one tap dancing around our backyard???

Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do

I was very lucky to exposed to a lot of music growing up. My dad was a band director and made sure that my sister and I were exposed to the many different classical pieces out there. It was because of this that music was very important to me at my wedding. I remember sitting in my parents kitchen agonizing over which Bach, Handel or Mozart piece would be played as I walked down the aisle with my dad. And what would be played when I walked back with my new husband. Not to mention, I was having a brass quartet so I needed to make sure it sounded good with the brass instruments. I certainly hope that my children get as many opportunities as possible to experience the classical music that their Papa taught to many others.

By I must admit....I love, love, love the classic renderings of the 1950s, 60s and 70s! Those tunes are all so catchy! My mom made sure that my sister and I were exposed to "oldies" music every time we were in the car together. We didn't have DVD players and other crazy technology in the car that kids have today....but we sure were entertained. To this day, you could probably play the first few notes of an oldies song and my sister and I could belt out the rest of the song. I was probably in 6th grade before I knew that there were other radio stations than "107.3...all oldies, all the time!". (And that is only because I was introduced to the oh so popular New Kids on The Block.)

I make sure to play a variety of music in the car for Gus, but I must admit that I often sing to him when we aren't in the car. I like to change some of the lyrics to fit what is going on. My favorite is "Splish Splash". Very appropriate for bath time. Or "Great Balls of Fire" comes in handy sometimes. My friend, Tanya, and I always say that when something bad happens or you are going nuts, you have to choose to laugh or cry. Well sometimes I choose to sing. My version when I am on my last nerve:

"You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
Too much crazy drives a mom insane
You broke my will, oh please sit still
Goodness, gracious great balls of fire"

I am sure that with his exposure to oldies music, Gus will be adapting his own tune tonight when he goes to bed. I am sure he will be channeling Neil Sedaka and one of his most popular tunes....




Gus and his nunny (aka. pacifier) will be breaking up tonight. I am sure this will not go over very well. He has had a nunny every night of his life since the day that he was born....all 22 months. He doesn't use it all night long....just to fall asleep. He has had his nunny about 8 months longer than the pediatrician wanted him to have it so in my opinion we spoiled this kid. So as you are sitting down to relax or laying down to go to bed...you can chuckle to yourself thinking about a little boy standing in his crib singing about losing his love, his nunny. Or perhaps he will sing the Lesley Gore hit, "It's My Party". But it may go something like this: "Miss my nunny and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to....you would cry too if it happened to you!!"


Yes, I may seem callous about it right now, but with all things, there is usually an end and he will get over it....eventually.