My college friend, Amanda, is in desperate need of some help. Grand Marais is very close to Amanda's heart and that town is in need of some help.
http://wehearyouamerica.readersdigest.com/?sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4d40dfbf5524c9d1%2C0
You can vote 10 times per day! It is super easy. And I haven't gotten an ounce of spam from signing up to vote. This mission is very important to the Schripsema family. 2010 was a rough year for their family after they son was diagnosed with leukemia. Please check out Amanda's blog and look at Gideon's beautiful smile. Let's keep that smile on that little boy's face!!!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
"IDIOT" Stamped On My Forehead
Well, I am sure when all was said and done on Friday, I must have had "idiot" stamped on my forehead.
It all started Thursday evening. We went to Joel's sister's house for dinner with her family. We were missing them desperately. Last year we saw them almost every day. This year those days are few and far between. Sarah and her kids spent the last week in Disney World. So when she got back, I demanded that we have dinner together. (It had been almost 2 weeks since we had seen them!) Gus didn't really seem like himself over there. Very clingy. He is NOT a cuddler so I knew that he wasn't quite himself. He felt a little warm but nothing to be too concerned about. He wouldn't eat his food, but he would eat only applesauce. He is still getting teeth in so I assumed that was the problem. He didn't want to chew, he was a little warm and he was clingy. Didn't think too much more about it, brought him home, gave him some baby medicine and sent him to bed.
Friday morning, around 9 AM, I got a call from Gus' sitter. (Keep in mind I am a class advisor and it is Spirit Week so school is super crazy and as an advisor I am crazy busy during this week.) Well, I was already frazzled before I got the call. Stephanie was concerned because Gus' body seemed to be on fire and he seemed really lethargic. Well, we all know that I am a hypochondriac...so I left immediately, barely grabbed my purse...no jacket. Luckily, I was working in the counseling office at the time because I left so quickly. I didn't even tell my boss until I was in the car driving over there. I told him I may or may not be back so he may need to find a sub for the two classes that I teach. I stopped at the drugstore on the way to buy a thermometer for Gus. I wanted to know what I was dealing with. Once I got to him, I noticed that his body was also really hot and he didn't want to move. I took his temp...97?? That can't be right....stupid digital thermometers!! I called the doctor anyway and they said to bring him in right away. Well, of course this hypochondriac momma freaked out with the "right away". That must mean something serious. So off we rushed to the doctor.
Turns out they said "right away" because they had an opening...not because of the severity of the symptoms. Don't they know who they are talking to?!? Really Gus' name should have flashing lights next to it. "Warning....crazy momma!"
Gus clung to me like a koala bear (again, very unlike him). I had to unpeel him when they tried to get his weight and temp. I did feel a little better when his temp was still 97...but more concerned because his body was still hot. The nurse left the room and the little koala and I hung out in the room and waited for the doctor. I tried to grab some books from their shelf to entertain him. He wanted nothing to do with them. Then the door opened. ("Whew...so happy that she is finally here to figure out what is wrong with him.)
Dr: Hi Gus! Are we not feeling well today?
Gus: HI! blah, blah, blah, blah. (I'm sure it is very important, but we have no idea what this kid is trying to tell us.)
The doctor checks him out. Only finds that he appears to have a sore throat. She talks to me about how this could be the beginning of a number of things. Talk about what to watch for, etc. During this time, Gus has slid off my lap. He is now pulling every book off their shelf and onto the floor. With each one we hear, "Oh Oh" (Translation: "Uh oh") Eventually these turn in to "hiya!" and he has begun hopping around the exam room. He is full out jumping up and down and yelling with delight by the time we talk about what to watch for. Lethargic? I think not!! So here I am turning bright red, embarrassed that my 1 1/2 year old has made a fool out of me. It is at that moment that the doctor notices Gus' pajamas laying on the table.
Dr: Is this what he was wearing? Did he wear them all night?
Me: Yes. We always take him to the sitter in his jammies and then she dresses him later.
Dr: Did you ever think that perhaps that is why his body was so warm and doesn't have a temperature? Perhaps he is too hot. And when we are too hot, we don't like to move.
Me: You have got to be kidding....Is this our official medical diagnosis?
Dr: Well, he is coming down with a cold or something, but I think that he probably was overheated this morning.
Me: Crap....
Back to the sitter Gus went and back to work I went. Unbelievable!!
Saturday, however, I came home from my cheerleading meet to discover that Gus did in fact have a fever of 102.9. Well, at least I know that I am not crazy....my kid is sick. But now I have a sick kid. :( I left him home with his daddy while I went to chaperone the school dance. I was telling this story to a coworker who was also working the dance. After laughing at me, she started talking about a student who had scarlet fever.....blah, blah, blah....
Crap...I hope that Gus doesn't have scarlet fever! What are the symptoms for that? I will have to check WebMD now and I may be calling the doctor in the morning....
It all started Thursday evening. We went to Joel's sister's house for dinner with her family. We were missing them desperately. Last year we saw them almost every day. This year those days are few and far between. Sarah and her kids spent the last week in Disney World. So when she got back, I demanded that we have dinner together. (It had been almost 2 weeks since we had seen them!) Gus didn't really seem like himself over there. Very clingy. He is NOT a cuddler so I knew that he wasn't quite himself. He felt a little warm but nothing to be too concerned about. He wouldn't eat his food, but he would eat only applesauce. He is still getting teeth in so I assumed that was the problem. He didn't want to chew, he was a little warm and he was clingy. Didn't think too much more about it, brought him home, gave him some baby medicine and sent him to bed.
Friday morning, around 9 AM, I got a call from Gus' sitter. (Keep in mind I am a class advisor and it is Spirit Week so school is super crazy and as an advisor I am crazy busy during this week.) Well, I was already frazzled before I got the call. Stephanie was concerned because Gus' body seemed to be on fire and he seemed really lethargic. Well, we all know that I am a hypochondriac...so I left immediately, barely grabbed my purse...no jacket. Luckily, I was working in the counseling office at the time because I left so quickly. I didn't even tell my boss until I was in the car driving over there. I told him I may or may not be back so he may need to find a sub for the two classes that I teach. I stopped at the drugstore on the way to buy a thermometer for Gus. I wanted to know what I was dealing with. Once I got to him, I noticed that his body was also really hot and he didn't want to move. I took his temp...97?? That can't be right....stupid digital thermometers!! I called the doctor anyway and they said to bring him in right away. Well, of course this hypochondriac momma freaked out with the "right away". That must mean something serious. So off we rushed to the doctor.
Turns out they said "right away" because they had an opening...not because of the severity of the symptoms. Don't they know who they are talking to?!? Really Gus' name should have flashing lights next to it. "Warning....crazy momma!"
Gus clung to me like a koala bear (again, very unlike him). I had to unpeel him when they tried to get his weight and temp. I did feel a little better when his temp was still 97...but more concerned because his body was still hot. The nurse left the room and the little koala and I hung out in the room and waited for the doctor. I tried to grab some books from their shelf to entertain him. He wanted nothing to do with them. Then the door opened. ("Whew...so happy that she is finally here to figure out what is wrong with him.)
Dr: Hi Gus! Are we not feeling well today?
Gus: HI! blah, blah, blah, blah. (I'm sure it is very important, but we have no idea what this kid is trying to tell us.)
The doctor checks him out. Only finds that he appears to have a sore throat. She talks to me about how this could be the beginning of a number of things. Talk about what to watch for, etc. During this time, Gus has slid off my lap. He is now pulling every book off their shelf and onto the floor. With each one we hear, "Oh Oh" (Translation: "Uh oh") Eventually these turn in to "hiya!" and he has begun hopping around the exam room. He is full out jumping up and down and yelling with delight by the time we talk about what to watch for. Lethargic? I think not!! So here I am turning bright red, embarrassed that my 1 1/2 year old has made a fool out of me. It is at that moment that the doctor notices Gus' pajamas laying on the table.
Dr: Is this what he was wearing? Did he wear them all night?
Me: Yes. We always take him to the sitter in his jammies and then she dresses him later.
Dr: Did you ever think that perhaps that is why his body was so warm and doesn't have a temperature? Perhaps he is too hot. And when we are too hot, we don't like to move.
Me: You have got to be kidding....Is this our official medical diagnosis?
Dr: Well, he is coming down with a cold or something, but I think that he probably was overheated this morning.
Me: Crap....
Back to the sitter Gus went and back to work I went. Unbelievable!!
Saturday, however, I came home from my cheerleading meet to discover that Gus did in fact have a fever of 102.9. Well, at least I know that I am not crazy....my kid is sick. But now I have a sick kid. :( I left him home with his daddy while I went to chaperone the school dance. I was telling this story to a coworker who was also working the dance. After laughing at me, she started talking about a student who had scarlet fever.....blah, blah, blah....
Crap...I hope that Gus doesn't have scarlet fever! What are the symptoms for that? I will have to check WebMD now and I may be calling the doctor in the morning....
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Labels:
crazy kid,
crazy mom,
doctor,
getting through it,
gross,
insanity,
paranoia,
parenting,
scary
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Adoption Roundtable
Yet another roundtable discussion about open adoption. This one actually has us looking at questions presented by another blogger. I've included my thoughts below....what are yours?
1. If open adoption is so great, why do so many people suck at it? By this I mean, not honouring commitments, closing the adoption, telling the other family they’re not “doing this thing” correctly or playing the “for the sake of the child” card?
I think that many people "suck at it" because the choose not to work hard at it or they are selfish. Yes, there are many times that I want to scream, "He is my son and I don't want to ________!" But that is very selfish. My first Mother's Day was much that way. I remember being so angry because instead of just enjoying it, I thought about what I needed to do for J on this day. What would Gus send to her? How do we even begin to thank her? How does she feel on this day? I agonized over every part of the day, but I made sure that Gus sent her something and I made sure that we sent her a text that day thinking of her. Why? Because that is the commitment that we made. For me, I feel like these commitments are very similiar to the commitment of marriage....it is for real and it is for life.
2. From the standpoint of first parents, open adoption sounds like something that could prolong suffering. Could this suffering potentially outweigh the good of knowing where your child is? Who helps the first parent?
I know that it must be very difficult for J. But I also know that she was able to begin her healing process after she knew that Gus was well taken care of. She asked us to send pictures...and lots of them within the first week that Gus was home with us. We sent pictures of us in the neighborhood, around the house, etc. She really got the opportunity to see that Gus was doing well and that we would be taken care of. I think that knowing that, really helped J on her way to healing. As a counselor, I know that healing does not come easily. But I also know that it is important to work through that suffering and find a path to healing. I am happy that J had a counselor that worked with her before and after Gus was born. I hope that every birthparent has that opportunity.
3. I’m guessing kids are not hung up on how many relatives they have. Tell me that the thing that hangs up the public all the time about open adoption and other unconventional relationships—two mommies, two daddies, three, four, parents—is the least of your worries because it seems to me it is.
I feel like the world around us is very curious about adoptive families. I can't even begin to tell you how many people ask us questions. I'm sure that if I had given birth to Gus we wouldn't have questions about how he came to be. I think it is natural for people to be curious of the unknown....and we are happy to share it. If we can educate one person about adoption, we are thrilled. We feel like it should be very open so others come to understand how wonderful it is.
4. Do you ever feel like you should give this child back? Does the thought ever seize you totally as you watch your child with her bio-family: “ooops?” (OR for f-parents: Do you ever feel as though you need to take this child back? That nothing is stopping you beside an agreement that feels false? Does that feeling go away?)
NO!! Okay, I have to admit, this question took me off guard. Never would I think I should "give Gus back". He is ours...all ours. From the moment he was born he became part of me. I know that God sent us Gus for a reason and I know that J chose us for a reason. No doubt about it!!
5. How do children ever cope with knowing they could not be kept? When they see their natural parents having more kids, what do they think? Who helps the child in this situation? Both sets of parents?
Okay...now you are just asking me to bring out the counselor mumbo-jumbo. Gus is only one....I have no idea how he will feel some day. But I will tell you this....Gus will know how much he is loved. He will know why J chose and adoption plan. He will know everything that we know about how he ended up in our arms. Adoption is not about not being kept...it is about love. Gus is a lucky little boy. We adore him and love him more than life itself as our extended family does, too. In addition, he is even luckier because he has a birthmom and her entire extended family. What a lucky boy!
6. Can you say comfortably that some surrendering mothers could not cope with an open adoption or do you think that it should always be the standard?
I understand that not everyone could cope with an open adoption due to the different person or perhaps the circumstances. But I also know that we would not enter into an adoption with someone who wouldn't want an open adoption. We chose "open" so that our kids would always have a connection with their birthparents. And hopefully, some day, all of their questions will be answered...if they haven't been answered already. (Many of you know that I have already told Gus a lot about J. I know that he is only one...but I am a firm believer in being honest with him all the way!)
7. Is there ever a reason (aside from extreme/illegal behaviours) to close an adoption totally?
NO!!
Check out this blog for more responses to this question. Or check out this one for the original post of questions.
1. If open adoption is so great, why do so many people suck at it? By this I mean, not honouring commitments, closing the adoption, telling the other family they’re not “doing this thing” correctly or playing the “for the sake of the child” card?
I think that many people "suck at it" because the choose not to work hard at it or they are selfish. Yes, there are many times that I want to scream, "He is my son and I don't want to ________!" But that is very selfish. My first Mother's Day was much that way. I remember being so angry because instead of just enjoying it, I thought about what I needed to do for J on this day. What would Gus send to her? How do we even begin to thank her? How does she feel on this day? I agonized over every part of the day, but I made sure that Gus sent her something and I made sure that we sent her a text that day thinking of her. Why? Because that is the commitment that we made. For me, I feel like these commitments are very similiar to the commitment of marriage....it is for real and it is for life.
2. From the standpoint of first parents, open adoption sounds like something that could prolong suffering. Could this suffering potentially outweigh the good of knowing where your child is? Who helps the first parent?
I know that it must be very difficult for J. But I also know that she was able to begin her healing process after she knew that Gus was well taken care of. She asked us to send pictures...and lots of them within the first week that Gus was home with us. We sent pictures of us in the neighborhood, around the house, etc. She really got the opportunity to see that Gus was doing well and that we would be taken care of. I think that knowing that, really helped J on her way to healing. As a counselor, I know that healing does not come easily. But I also know that it is important to work through that suffering and find a path to healing. I am happy that J had a counselor that worked with her before and after Gus was born. I hope that every birthparent has that opportunity.
3. I’m guessing kids are not hung up on how many relatives they have. Tell me that the thing that hangs up the public all the time about open adoption and other unconventional relationships—two mommies, two daddies, three, four, parents—is the least of your worries because it seems to me it is.
I feel like the world around us is very curious about adoptive families. I can't even begin to tell you how many people ask us questions. I'm sure that if I had given birth to Gus we wouldn't have questions about how he came to be. I think it is natural for people to be curious of the unknown....and we are happy to share it. If we can educate one person about adoption, we are thrilled. We feel like it should be very open so others come to understand how wonderful it is.
4. Do you ever feel like you should give this child back? Does the thought ever seize you totally as you watch your child with her bio-family: “ooops?” (OR for f-parents: Do you ever feel as though you need to take this child back? That nothing is stopping you beside an agreement that feels false? Does that feeling go away?)
NO!! Okay, I have to admit, this question took me off guard. Never would I think I should "give Gus back". He is ours...all ours. From the moment he was born he became part of me. I know that God sent us Gus for a reason and I know that J chose us for a reason. No doubt about it!!
5. How do children ever cope with knowing they could not be kept? When they see their natural parents having more kids, what do they think? Who helps the child in this situation? Both sets of parents?
Okay...now you are just asking me to bring out the counselor mumbo-jumbo. Gus is only one....I have no idea how he will feel some day. But I will tell you this....Gus will know how much he is loved. He will know why J chose and adoption plan. He will know everything that we know about how he ended up in our arms. Adoption is not about not being kept...it is about love. Gus is a lucky little boy. We adore him and love him more than life itself as our extended family does, too. In addition, he is even luckier because he has a birthmom and her entire extended family. What a lucky boy!
6. Can you say comfortably that some surrendering mothers could not cope with an open adoption or do you think that it should always be the standard?
I understand that not everyone could cope with an open adoption due to the different person or perhaps the circumstances. But I also know that we would not enter into an adoption with someone who wouldn't want an open adoption. We chose "open" so that our kids would always have a connection with their birthparents. And hopefully, some day, all of their questions will be answered...if they haven't been answered already. (Many of you know that I have already told Gus a lot about J. I know that he is only one...but I am a firm believer in being honest with him all the way!)
7. Is there ever a reason (aside from extreme/illegal behaviours) to close an adoption totally?
NO!!
Check out this blog for more responses to this question. Or check out this one for the original post of questions.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Anti-"Adopt"
So this has been on my mind for weeks. So I figured why not spew my thoughts about it on here. So hang in there as I just spew incessantly.
According to www.merriam-webster.com, the definition of adopt is as follows:
I was reading another adoption blog today and the author ranted on and on about her hate of the use of "adopt" when speaking of anything other than adopting a child. She got really vicious about people using the word in relation to a pet. Apparently this author felt that pets were not worthy using this word. (Umm...hello...pets are like children to some of us! How could this woman not know that?) I was shocked to see that there were many people that commented on her post and agreed with her.
So I looked up the word. Notice above that there are a handful of appropriate meanings of the word. But #1 on the list is in reference to adopting a child. As we know, I am a huge advocate for adoption and I always want to make sure that people use safe adoption language. But I am not angry when people use the word "adopt" in reference to anything other than a child and the legal process to making that child "legally" part of a family. Yes, we talk about adoption and yes, we are very open about it...but it doesn't define Gus. He is not our "adopted son"...he is our son. So maybe I am crazy for not agreeing with the author of that post or the others who commented, but I just simply don't agree. The word "adopt" means nothing to me other than the legal process to make Gus "legally" ours. My heart was his the moment I saw him....I don't need a word set aside to describe that. So go ahead....use the word "adopt" with any of the definitions above. I won't be offended.
Thanks for listening to me rant. I feel better now. Hopefully, I will fall asleep tonight without thinking about it.
According to www.merriam-webster.com, the definition of adopt is as follows:
- to take by choice into a relationship; especially : to take voluntarily as one's own child
- to take up and practice or use
- to accept formally and put into effect
- to choose (a textbook) for required study in a course
- to sponsor the care and maintenance of
I was reading another adoption blog today and the author ranted on and on about her hate of the use of "adopt" when speaking of anything other than adopting a child. She got really vicious about people using the word in relation to a pet. Apparently this author felt that pets were not worthy using this word. (Umm...hello...pets are like children to some of us! How could this woman not know that?) I was shocked to see that there were many people that commented on her post and agreed with her.
So I looked up the word. Notice above that there are a handful of appropriate meanings of the word. But #1 on the list is in reference to adopting a child. As we know, I am a huge advocate for adoption and I always want to make sure that people use safe adoption language. But I am not angry when people use the word "adopt" in reference to anything other than a child and the legal process to making that child "legally" part of a family. Yes, we talk about adoption and yes, we are very open about it...but it doesn't define Gus. He is not our "adopted son"...he is our son. So maybe I am crazy for not agreeing with the author of that post or the others who commented, but I just simply don't agree. The word "adopt" means nothing to me other than the legal process to make Gus "legally" ours. My heart was his the moment I saw him....I don't need a word set aside to describe that. So go ahead....use the word "adopt" with any of the definitions above. I won't be offended.
Thanks for listening to me rant. I feel better now. Hopefully, I will fall asleep tonight without thinking about it.
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